Page 107 of My Revenant
“He’ll be here, kid. Any minute now he’ll be here, and he’ll be okay.” Roy’s words were supposed to soothe, but they didn’t. He didn’t know. He was a liar. He’d already lied, and he was doing it again.
Dex.
I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. Was I suffocating? Was I going to die because I couldn’t remember how to fucking breathe? The sound of my own ragged breathing drowned out everything else.
Knowing Roy was there, watching me, made it worse. But I couldn’t tell him to fuck off like I desperately wanted to. I couldn’t tell him anything. My words were caught in my chest, tangled like a ball of string I couldn’t find the end to. Building, building, building. Heavy. Itchy. Hot. Too much. Dex.
I needed Dex. Needed him more than air. Needed him more than I’d ever needed another person. Even Adaline. I hadn’t felt like this for a long time, not since I was a child. Not since I had her to help me. She always knew how to help me. She was the only one who tried. Until Dex. But she was gone now. And so was he.
I blamed them both. I only felt like this because they let mefeel. They made me think it was safe. Without them I’d learned to feelonly rage, because I knew how to deal with that, how to use it. My rage felt like a weapon, like a protection. I wasn’t protected now. My rage was out of reach, and I wasn’t safe.
Not safe. Not safe.Not safe.
The only reason I didn’t throw up was that my mouth and throat had dried up, air passing in and out too rapidly to be useful. Until my head spun. Until my vision was blurring and my limbs were stiff and trembling. Twitching like a dying spider as it curled in on itself. Vulnerable. Weak. Pathetic.
Not safe.
Then I was being touched again, cradled by warmth, the scent of smoke and leather and safety as familiar arms wrapped around me. “Shhhh… I’m here. I’ve got you, Rabbit.”
Dex.
I sobbed. Heat flowed freely down my face as I let him surround me.
“I’ve got you,” he said calmly, always so calm. I breathed deeper, my body only accepting air when it tasted like him. The burning fire receding to embers in my core, his presence water over the flames. Drowning me. Saving me. “I’m right here.”
He was here. He was here with me, and he was safe.
My limbs unlocked, melted into him, falling and trusting him to catch me. He did. His hands smoothed over my hair, his touch soothing the hurt I’d inflicted.
I must have been a mess, but I didn’t care, and he didn’t seem to either as he held me tighter, letting me bury my damp face in the warmth of his neck. He was here. He’d come back.
I clung to him like I’d die without him, and honestly maybe I would. It had felt like I was going to. But he was with me now, his pulse warm and beating beneath my lips. I let it soothe me, like sunlight above the surface of deep water, guiding me up, guidingme back. Only when my pulse matched his could I bring myself to pull away again.
“You left me,” I told him, whatever fire remained seeping into the words.
“I did. I’m so sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have done that.”
There was more I wanted to say, wanted to know. But now my head was heavy and spinning, and I felt so tired.
“Can you stand?” he asked, and I nodded softly, still giving him my scowl because I was too tired to give him anything else.
Dex pulled me to my feet, and I wiped the back of my hand across my face, trying to erase the evidence of the disgusting feelings that remained on my skin.
Roy wasn’t here anymore. He must have left when Dex had come back. He probably thought I was completely fucking ridiculous, and maybe he was right. I hated when anyone looked at me at all, and I’d let him see far too much.
“Come on.” Dex’s fingers laced between mine as he pulled me inside.
Thankfully, Roy was nowhere in sight as Dex made his way through the office and into the garage, and I let him pull me along with him until we reached an old Jeep in the back corner.
Dex opened the driver’s door and gestured inside.
I rolled my eyes, and the action only reminded me of how heavy they felt as I got in and he closed the door, walking round to the other side to get in beside me.
“Do you like it?” he asked me, looking hopeful.
“What?”
“The car.”
