Page 108 of My Revenant
I shrugged one shoulder. “It’s fine. Why? Whose car is this?”
“It’s yours.”
I thought I was done crying, but as his words sunk in I felt that icky heat pooling behind them again. “You… you got me a car?”
He nodded. “It was supposed to be a surprise when it was finished. I still have to do a few more things, but then it’s all yours. You’ll have a way for us to get around, and you won’t ever be stuck in place.”
It was all too much, all of it too big to fit inside me, but I didn’t know where else to put it. So instead of speaking, I rested my hands on the wheel, sniffing as I nodded firmly, once, letting the tears fall again, feeling safe enough not to stop them when it was just the two of us.
“Come here, baby,” he said, his voice soothing and warm like nothing else I’d ever known. I wanted to be angry at him, wanted to hold on to my rage over the fact that he’d left me, that he’d lied. I couldn’t. Even now, when I was so broken because of him, I still wanted him.
My hands left the wheel and I went to him, climbing over the center console, my limbs and shoes knocking things awkwardly as I scrambled over it and into his lap. Warm. Safe. His arms circled me, cradling me to him as if I were smaller than I was. Lips pressed a soft kiss onto my hair, and then I was crying again.
We didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to. But this was enough. Iletmyself fall apart this time because I knew he was there to hold me together.
By the time I was done, what felt like hours later, I felt empty and exhausted. My eyes were too heavy to keep open, but still he held me close to him, waiting for me to be ready to justbeagain.
“Roy thinks I’m a freak,” I told him, my voice quiet and hoarse.
“He doesn’t think you’re a freak, baby,” Dex replied, his voice just as quiet. “He’s probably just worried. But you’re not a freak.”
I turned into him further, unsure if I believed his words. But it didn’t matter, not really. Not what Roy thought of me, or anyone else. The only person who mattered was here with me now, and he saw me. He knew me. He loved me. It’s all I needed.
“Will you be okay if I go back to work soon?”
Despite just thinking that I didn’t care what Roy thought, I decided I still didn’t want to see him again so soon. “Can I stay here?”
“Of course. This is yours now, baby. You can stay here as long as you want.”
“And you won’t leave again?”
“I won’t, I promise. I’ll stay in the garage where you can see me, and if you need me, I’ll come back and be here with you again.”
“You lied already.”
Dex inhaled deeply, trying to find the right words to say because he knew I was right. He couldn’t deny it, and if he even tried, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
“I did,” he answered eventually. “I did, and I’m so sorry. I thought I was protecting you by keeping you out of it. But that was a mistake, and I know that now. And I’m so very sorry, Rabbit.”
I didn’t want his apology to soothe me, but he always had a way of influencing my emotions more than I wanted him to. Like parts of me obeyed him as if they belonged to him instead of myself. Like he possessed me.
“Fine,” I grumbled. “But if it happens again… I won’t forgive you.”
“It won’t happen again,” Dex told me, and against my better judgment, I trusted him.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. When Dex was sure I was okay, he got back to work, bringing me a fresh coffee that apparently Roy had gone to get. I sipped as I hid out in the car—mycar, that he was fixing justfor me.
When it was time for lunch, he asked me if I wanted to go to the diner with him or just have him go pick something up for me. While I did trust that he wouldn’t take off without me again, I still didn’t want him going anywhere I couldn’t be with him, so I had to leave the safety of the vehicle I’d locked myself away in.
I avoided Roy as much as possible, and he didn’t seem to mind that. When the shop closed for the day and Roy left, I felt brave enough to leave the car again, only to hover around Dex as he continued the repairs on it. I didn’t know shit about engines, but Dex still explained to me what he was doing, still tried to keep me involved even though I’d much rather watch him work than do it myself.
By the time he was done, it was late, and I was so tired. Dex brought the Jeep out from its corner, and after I assured him I was perfectly capable of driving it—Richard having paid for my driving lessons when he still thought he’d eventually get something out of me—I drove home, following Dex on his bike.
We stumbled through the door, up the stairs, and into each other’s arms as we fell into bed. I was hard and so was he, but it wasn’t about being sexual. It was the connection, the intimacy. I needed to feel him on me—in me—so that we could be as close as possible. So that my mind and my body were filled with nothing but him. Only with him could I stop myself from spiraling when all I wanted to do was run and hide from the world.
thirty-nine
Jonah - Past
