Page 123 of My Revenant
Cool night air rushed to greet me.
The wind was eager to carry away my panic, my fear, but I held onto it. Kept it inside me because I needed it. It kept me safe.
Every sound, every movement, heightened my senses. The adrenaline that was crashing built again, fighting the exhaustion that threatened to replace it.
When I was a suitable distance away, I pulled my pack of cigarettes from my pocket. The wind turned to a blade of ice through my inhale as I went for the lighter and found it absent. It wasn’t there—where I always kept it.
My heart clenched, twisted, and warped in my chest in a panic unlike anything I’d felt tonight. More pointed. More destructive. I frantically searched the other pockets, and warm relief envelopedme as I found its familiar shape tucked in beside my switchblade. I pulled it free, my thumb tracing the floral engravings.
Everything else I’d left behind or switched out over the year I’d been running. But there was no replacement for this. This was a part of him I’d never let go. It was what kept me grounded. Even though it had been there through the worst moments, it was a reminder of what was good. Of the purpose of it all. The reason. Like childish dinosaur stickers that had witnessed too much but still served as his light. I’d destroyed those, taken them from him. I’d safeguard this other piece of his father in penance. This other piece of Dex.
When I was lost, it was his voice that brought me back. I couldn’t hear it anymore, but I could feel it sometimes. When my touch smoothed over the engravings that I knew he’d also touched so many times, I could trick myself into feeling the echo of him. And maybe I didn’t deserve that comfort anymore, but without it I was unmoored. Without it he was gone.
forty-four
Jonah - Present
A WHOLE FUCKING CAKE.
“We’re out of cash,” Harper told me, wallet open and tipped upside down as if he were trying to shake loose money hidden in its seams.
I hadn’t found a job since Hollow Creek. Our hotel room was paid for two more nights, but that was it. We didn’t have money for food or anything else. Even if I found a job today, I doubted they’d pay me upfront.
“Shit.” An understatement, but all I had to offer.
“We’re out of cash,” Harper repeated, his face even paler than usual. “Jack. We’re out of cash.”
“I know. I’m thinking.”
“I’ve never been out of cash. What do people do when they’re out of cash? How do they get more?” His tone was tinged with panic.
“I started this without any cash, Harp. We’ll find a way. There’s always a way.”
“How?”
“We’ll find a job. We’ll findsomething.”
“I’ve never had a job. How am I supposed to get one?” More panic. “Maybe if I just use my card, and then—”
“No. That can be tracked, Harper.”
“But how are we supposed toeat?”
“We steal.”
Bright blue eyes blinked at me. “What? I’ve… I’ve never stolen anything… have you?”
I stared at him for a long moment, wondering just what kind of life he’d lived before now that theft hadn’t even crossed his mind. Of course I’d stolen things before. When I’d first gone on the run with nothing but my car and the clothes on my back, I’d had to steal everything. I’d eventually found work and had built a tiny amount of emergency cash. Cash that had been left behind between the pages of a Bible back in Hollow Creek for someone to stumble onto and call it a fucking blessing.
“I’ll do it. You can wait here.”
“No.” Harper stood to his feet, determination replacing the panic. “I want to help. Let me help.”
This was probably a bad idea.
“Confidence is key. Don’t act shifty or they’ll pay more attention to you. Act normal. Acknowledge the people around you. If you act like you’re supposed to be doing what you’re doing, people don’t even question it,” I told Harper at the front of the grocery store.
He was buzzing with nervous energy, but also seemed weirdly excited by the prospect of committing a crime.
