Page 37 of My Revenant
“You’re kidding, right? That man basically dry-humped you in the diner today for everyone to see.”
“That was afight,” I corrected her.
“He calls youRabbit.”
“Only because it pisses me off,” I huffed. Becca laughed way too hard at that. “It’s not funny.”
“I mean, it’s kind of funny. You. A rabbit?” she cackled. “I love you, JJ, but the only rabbit you could ever be is that one from Monty Python that eats people.”
I tried glaring at her, I really did, but I couldn’t help the smile that pulled on my lips or the laugh that followed, and soon we were both cackling like idiots on my bed over this entire ridiculous situation.
“Okay, so. Operation Fuck Dex is underway.” She beamed and then squealed as I grabbed a pillow to suffocate her with, mostly to distract us both from where this conversation was headed, because I was not at all ready to deal with that. Even if my stomach fluttered with something dangerously similar to excitement at the prospect. “Come on, Jonah, don’t be such a prude,” Becca continued the moment I released her from the pillow prison. “It’s not like you’re a virgin.” I turned away from her, the silence suddenly so loud between us. “Wait, are you?”
“Does it matter?” I snapped a little too aggressively.
“No. Not at all,” she said, voice softer. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong if you never want to have sex either, you know that, right?”
“I know,” I responded quickly, but hearing that soothed me somewhat. It felt like the whole world was so interested in sex sometimes, that I was missing out on something fundamental by not wanting it. Like there was something wrong with me for not caring if I ever experienced it or not. Until now. Now Dex had woken something up inside me that I didn’t know how to put back to sleep. “Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to… you know. It should probably be, like, meaningful… right? The first time.”
Becca was quiet for a moment. She turned to face me, but when I refused to look back, she seemed to understand that I needed to be shielded, at least from being watched, as we had this conversation. She turned her gaze back to the ceiling.
“That’s entirely up to you, love. If you want it to be meaningful and special, then that’s fine. But if you want my opinion on it, I think too much pressure and weight is put on losing your V-card. There’s no reason the first time has to be any more meaningful than any time after that, and to be honest, the first time usually sucks anyway. There’s no right time or right way to go about it, and anyone who tells you otherwise better mind their own fucking business.”
A smile pulled at my lips. “What about you, then?”
“You are my business.”
“I like being your business.”
Her hand found mine on the bed, and she laced our fingers together. “I’m so glad I have you, JJ.”
I squeezed her hand back, refusing to look at her, refusing to let her see how much those words meant to me. When I could trust myself to speak, I said, “I’m glad I have you too.”
She turned to look at me again, but I still refused to look back until she snorted and whacked my arm playfully. “God, Jonah, you’re so sensitive, damnnn.” I turned and scowled at her, but I knew my face didn’t actually look anywhere near as menacing as I wanted it to. “Okayyyy, so. Operation Fuck Dex?” She pumped her eyebrows at me. “Are we in? Or are we in?”
I stared up at the roof, feeling my cheeks heat and my belly flutter with that new sensation that happened whenever I thought about Dex. “Hypothetically, if we were in… what would that plan look like?”
It was all supposed to be hypothetical, just talking about it as a vague concept, a stupid, really fucking bad idea that Becca and I would talk shit about and laugh over before stomping it to the ground like it deserved. I hated Dex. I wasn’tactuallygoing to try to fuck him. It was just talk. Until it wasn’t. Until the days passed and Dex filled my mind more and more, his words, his stupid pretty face popped up in my thoughts all the fucking time.
Then there were my ever-evolving fantasies. They’d taken ahighlyunpleasant and unwanted turn following the new knowledge of what it felt like to be held down by him.
Maybe Becca was right. Maybe I needed to fuck it out of my system. Then my mind would know what it actually felt like, and I could stop imagining it and move the fuck on.
I still wasn’t convinced he’d be interested, but it wasn’t like I was going to throw myself at him or actually proposition him or anything. I’d never put myself in a position again where Dex could reject me. But if he were the one to come on to me, well… maybe I wouldn’t be opposed to it. Just once.
“This is so stupid,” I groaned as I stared at myself in the mirror. Becca hovered behind me, her gaze scrutinizing as she looked over the outfit she’d put me in. I felt absolutely ridiculous. Becca was the most fashionable person I knew, but I had to wonder if she was joking with this.
The ripped black skinny jeans were acceptable, except maybe this pair had a few too many rips. Still, I could get behind them. What I couldnotget behind was the chunky platform boots with so many buckles that they jingled every time I took a step and the sleeveless black turtleneckcrop topthat exposed my midsection. I also couldn’t get behind the smudged black eyeliner rimming my eyes. Well, I’d admit I liked it alittlemore than I’d expected to. I still felt ridiculous.
“It’snotstupid. Don’t insult my hard work like that. It’s fucking hot. You’re a goth baddie dream boy. Emo punk suits you. Dex is gonna come in his pants when he sees you, then he’s gonna tear all your clothes off like a wild animal, and it’s gonna be bye-bye virgin Jonah.”
“You are so gross,” I groaned, pulling away from her to go sit on her bed. This entire plan seemed so dumb now. We didn’t even know if Dex was going to be at this party, and even if he was, I still wasn’t sure that fucking him was a good idea. The fact remained that I fucking hated his guts, even if I also fantasized about him being up in mine.Gross, Jonah.
Becca hummed happily as she finished getting herself ready. She wore a patent leather mini skirt over fishnet tights that absolutely wouldnotkeep her warm. At least her boots covered most of her legs. They were heeled, as if she needed any extra height. She also wore a lacy deep-burgundy shirt over a black lace bra, a cropped black leather jacket, and more jewelry than most girls probably owned altogether.
“You look hot,” I sighed.
“Welook hot,” she amended, and I rolled my eyes. “Are you ready to go?” she asked as she pulled out another leather jacket with studded shoulders from her wardrobe, this one for me.
