Page 6 of My Revenant
We fell into silence again. I was hyperaware of her presence beside me. I noticed the soft gray of her hoodie from the corner of my vision, along with the pale skin of her legs between the hem of her skirt and the cuff of white knee-high socks that disappeared into black beat-up chucks.
At first, I couldn’t focus on anything but her. She was too close, and I was too raw and vulnerable. The longer we sat there together in silence, though, the more I could tune her out. My attention turned back to the sea, and to the waves that crashed relentlessly against the rocks.
The ocean witnessed us as we witnessed it, silently observing each other as we fell into a fragile peace. My nose and ears hurt from the cold, and when the wind picked up, it sent whispers of chill down my neck and spine, under the cuffs of my sleeves at my wrists. It was cold, and it made me shiver, but it also felt real. Peaceful. I liked it.
There was movement beside me as she pulled her hood up over her head, and after a few minutes I did the same.
By the time she spoke again, I had almost zoned out, and the sound of her voice startled me. “We should probably head back soon. It’s hard to navigate the forest path in the dark.” She spoke so softly it was almost a whisper, like it was a secret, or maybe like she was just as worried about breaking whatever trance we were in as I was.
“Probably.” I responded in the same tone.
We didn’t move. We didn’t speak again. The sun, already dulled behind thick storm clouds in a sky as moody as the ocean below it, darkened further, until it disappeared over the horizon and we were covered in a blanket of darkness.
It was colder now. Only when my leg ached fiercely did I dare to move at all. The rock we were sitting on was so hard and chilled that my ass had gone numb.
I was done here, but I didn’t want to go back to Dad’s. That didn’t leave me with many options.
The rocky path I’d walked to get here had disappeared under dark waves at the base of the cliff. It meant the only way back was the path she must have taken through the dense woods behind us. I didn’t know the woodsorthe path through them.
When I shuffled to my feet, she did the same, as if we had some sort of silent arrangement. She was a few inches taller than I was. I could tell now that we were standing, she must have been about six foot three.
I trailed a few steps behind her as she headed for a break in the dense trees. She was right; it was difficult to see where the fuck we were going in the dark. But she seemed like she knew the trail well enough, so I dared to keep a little closer as she led us through.
Eventually we broke through the trees and onto the quiet road barely lit by a lone streetlight before we came to a stop. Both of us stared at the poorly lit road rather than at each other. Each dared the other to speak first.
“Thanks for letting me sit with you.”
I grunted in response, trying not to think about how long it had been since anyone had actuallywantedto spend time with me, not to mention actuallythankme for it. “Yeah, whatever,” I mumbled as the weight of her gaze turned on me fully for the first time.
After a beat of silence, she startled me again, her voice booming like she couldn’t help herself. Words tumbled out of her in an excited rush. “Holy shit! You’re JJ, right?”
I stiffened. Shoulders rising. Fists clenching.
No one called me JJ anymore. Only people I’d left behind at high school back in the city had. And I hadn’t started college here yet.I was supposed to, but I just hadn’t turned up, and dear old Dad didn’t seem to give a fuck about making me go. So no one here should have known me yet. I turned to glare at her stupid smiling face.
“OMG, it is you!” Before I could process it, she launched herself at me, wrapped her arms around me, and yanked me into a tight hug, with such a lack of hesitation it left me momentarily stupefied. “It’s me, Bee. Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
My hands twitched, but my arms remained hanging uselessly by my sides as I processed what the fuck was currently happening. Bee. I didn’t know any girls named Bee. I had a friend named Bennet when I was younger, a scrawny little kid I thought was a boy who always insisted people call him Bee… not Bennet, or Ben, or Benny, onlyBee. Mom always told me to stay away from Bee because she thought he was “weird,” but he was probably my best and well,onlyfriend back then.
The hug didn’t loosen as my mind put it all together. “Bee?” I asked, my voice sounding soft and pathetic in a way I would have hated myself over in any other situation.
“Yeah.” She pulled back just long enough to look at me, a brief moment of uncertainty in her features as she seemed to search for something in mine. Then she smiled again. “It’s Becca now, but Bee still works just fine.” She grinned, and hugged me tight again.
Okay. So it was Becca now. Fine. Processing that was easier than processing what was happening in my chest at being hugged so tightly.
She was sowarm.
She hugged me as if shemissedme.
“Welcome home,” she said into my ear. My chest got even tighter. My eyes burned, and I realized I hadn’t breathed for a while. Couldn’t. It was too much. Being held was putting broken,jagged things inside me back together. I couldn’t have that because I knew they would break apart again the moment she let me go.
Her warmth retreated as I shrugged her off, and I already wanted to claw at her to get it back. I hated myself for it. She frowned at me, but relented.
“Hey, do you remember the Cozy Cow?” she asked.
I cleared my throat as I tried to appear unaffected by what had just happened.
Cozy Cow was a small twenty-four seven diner on the main road. Her mom used to take us there after school sometimes. I nodded, still not trusting myself to speak.
