Page 88 of Vathia
“Please stay. I could really use your company. I also want to apologize for snapping at you that day in the training yard…”
His shoulders sag but he turns back towards me, sitting in the chair across from me. “You don’t need to apologize. I was pushing you for things you weren’t ready for. It’s I who shouldbe apologizing to you. Although I do think you still should have taken a break.”
I wince, and sit back down. “Yes, you were right. I should have eaten. But it’s in the past, we’ve learned from it. I’m more worried about you pulling away from us. The others said to give you space but…”
He grunts, the silver of his scars glinting in the fire light. “I needed the space. Thank you for listening to them, but I find myself lately getting pulled to you…” His red eyes pierce me with so much emotion I want to go to him, to wrap my arms around him and hold him until he’s ready, but I don’t. He’s let me touch him, but I don’t want to push him too far in the state he’s in. “I find myself walking the castle and always ending up outside the rooms you’re in. The training yard, dining room, weapons room… your bedroom.”
My lower stomach heats at the rough tone of his voice and knowing he’s been outside my room while I slept. Killian’s nostrils flare and his gaze darkens for a moment before he pushes it away.
“I know I’m not okay right now. My mother… I’m not sad exactly, that she’s gone. Relieved is more like it. She won’t be able to be used as a pawn in my father’s sick and twisted games any longer. She won’t be used against me or me against her.”
He pauses and I watch as his fists clench and unclench. “You know he used to beat me when I did anything he didn’t like or approve of. After you… disappeared, I was inconsolable. My father hated how your ‘death’ affected me. He wanted to break me, and he succeeded. When my mother tried to stop him, he would make her punish me, saying that if she didn’t perform the cut, he would just kill me. A little cut is nothing compared to the life of her son. Eventually, it became too easy for her so the cuts got deeper… and then he started using iron. When I misbehaved, according to his standards, he would beat her instead of me andmake me watch.” The words catch in his throat and he stops talking for a bit.
Each word he speaks breaks my heart, cracks it into a million pieces. No one should have gone through that. My body itches to go to him, to comfort him, but I can’t. I don’t want to trigger him.
“I can’t stand touch. It makes me violent, unpredictable. Your touch somehow soothes me. Maybe it’s the mate bond that’s partially formed between us. But I can’t fully mate you, Ravina. I won’t risk hurting you. Although I swear to protect you for the rest of my life. You are the closest thing I have to true happiness, and I won’t risk it.”
This time my heart breaks for a whole other reason—like the bond between us is fraying.
I shake my head. “No.” I stand, moving right in front of him. “You don’t get to make that choice for me. You have never hurt me, Killian, and you won’t ever hurt me.”
Going against my better judgement, I crawl onto his lap and wrap my arms around him, holding him tight. “See? You won’t hurt me, Killian. Don’t pull away from me, please. I need you. I’m not asking you to mate me right now or tomorrow or the next day. We can take our time. Go at your pace. But there are two of us in this bond. All I ask is that you try. If down the road you can’t… then I’ll accept it.”
Fear of losing him causes all the words to spill out of me. The pain in my heart, where his and my bond sits, begins to lessen and ever so slowly he wraps his arms around me, holding me close.
“You would want me even though I am scarred? Fae are terrified of the monster I look like,” he whispers, his voice vulnerable.
I pull back and cup his face. “Scars or not, I think you are incredibly handsome and any female would be honored to havea loyal, kind male like you,” I tell him, wiping the tears from both of our faces. “You’remyKillian. You’ve always been my safe space and I’m over the moon that the fates chose us to be together. I will fight to get you to see that.”
I go to stand up but his grip tightens on my hips. “Please, just stay here with me.”
I search his face, making sure he truly wants this before I settle back against him, nuzzling my face into his neck. “Of course, Kill. For as long as you want.”
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
“CAN YOU QUIT MOVING SO much back there? You’re like an itch I can’t scratch,” Vasari grumbles as I shift again for the endless number of times today.
“I’m sorry, I’m really stiff. I’ll try to be more still but I’m not making any promises,” I mutter dryly.
Nero’s travel cage rattles. “You’re stiff? My wings are going to fuse in this position if I’m in here any longer,” he whines.
“You’re the one who wanted to come,” Vasari reminds him.
He scoffs. “Of course I’m going to come. I’m her familiar. Our souls are tied together in a way you’ll never understand. I can heal her if she gets injured. At least a normal-sized lizard could come with us through the forest . But no. You’re the jumbo kind and have to be left behind like—”
“Okay enough, you two. We’ve been flying almost non–stop for a week now. We should be there soon. We’re already in the mountains, just… No more talking until we are there. Okay?”
“Mood killer,” Nero sighs.
“You’re one to talk,” Vasari adds.
The sigh that leaves me is of pure exhaustion and slight amusement. It’s never a dull moment with these two bickering in my head like long-lost siblings.
“Hey beautiful, how are you holding up over there?” Jesper asks with a little too much perkiness. “The clearing is just up ahead. You will be able to stretch soon.”
“We’re going to set up camp and head out in the morning. It’s getting late and I don’t want to travel through the forest at night if we don’t have to,” Aemon adds. Something we learned we can do once bonded, it seems I can act as an anchor for all my bonds to communicate.
I feel Jesper’s presence in my mind dull some as he informs the others. The ache of not having the other bonds completed settles inside me, but now is not the time to try to complete the bonding. This is probably the most crucial mission of this war. It could change everything, and I cannot keep thinking about jumping my mates and getting into their pants. No matter how much I want to.
