Page 18 of Blue Umbrella Sky
He listened as Ev grunted. The TV went off. In a second Ev, gray-bearded with a belly, was behind him, rubbing concerned brown eyes. “I swear, I just drifted off for a minute.”
“A minute’s all it takes,” Milt snapped. He bit his tongue not to add, “What are we paying you for, anyway?” He flung the front door open wide and peered into the darkness. He turned back to Ev. “He’s out there. Probably naked. Probably freezing. It’s the fucking end of October, Ev.”
The words made it all too real. Milt held back a sob, stuck in his throat.
“He’s okay,” Ev said, failing to hide how desperate he was. He stepped past Milt onto the front porch. Milt switched on the light, illuminating the wooden porch, with its swing and flower boxes, in golden light. The light spilled a bit onto the front lawn as well, and Milt could see the silvery frost that lay upon the grass.
He wanted to wail in despair. The yard, as far as his eyes could make out anyway, was empty. A cold breeze made him shiver and caused the branches in the maple near the porch to clack together, bereft of leaves.
“Where’s my Corky?” he whispered, as much to himself as to Ev.
Milt stepped forward, hugging himself in a vain attempt to ward off the night’s cold, and peered deeper into the gloom of their front yard.Will this be the night it happens? Will we find him somewhere, curled up and no longer shivering? Will he have made that final transition?Milt felt ashamed. In his darkest moments, when the caretaking had become almost more than he could bear and he was simply exhausted beyond any limit, he’d allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to be free of the shackles. It was for only a moment, a little fantasy, but Milt hated himself for even letting such a notion enter his conscious mind.
And now, with the horrible prospect facing him—a dark wish fulfillment—he hated himself even more. Wished he could banish that he’d thought, with relief, what life would be like without Corky for even a second. He whispered a fervent petition. “Please, please let him be okay.”
Milt stepped down off the porch and onto the damp lawn. Below him, a few lights still shone in the valley in the little town of Summitville. It made Milt jealous, imagining the normal lives taking place just below him, even though he had no right to imagine anyone’s life was less troubled than his own.
The blank and black space beyond the village, Milt knew, was the curve of the Ohio River.
Did he manage to get all the way down to the river?It was possible, even naked. The distance was only about a mile, all downhill. In his mind’s eye, he could visualize Corky, muttering to himself as he made his descent down the cracked brick sidewalks leading to the river’s edge. In Corky’s mind he might be a boy again, off to do some fishing or to challenge the river’s currents and swim out to the little tree-covered island in the middle.
Is he floating in the cold, cold water, caught up on some low-hanging branch south of town?Milt shivered, and this time it wasn’t because of the cold.
In his reverie he hadn’t noticed Ev moving behind him, but he did now.
“He’s in the garage,” Ev said, coming up to stand beside Milt.
Startled, Milt turned to him. “What?”
“He’s just in the garage. Sitting on that old redwood bench. I threw a blanket over him. He didn’t want to come with me, even though his teeth were chattering. I turned on the space heater you guys have out there too.” Ev’s dark eyes peered into Milt’s own as though he were looking for an answer to the question “What do I do next?” which was most likely true.
Milt touched Ev’s shoulder. “Thank you. Why don’t you go on back inside? FinishThe Bad Seed?” He chuckled, but there was little mirth in it. “I can take things from here.”
Milt watched Ev as he headed back into the house. He felt guilty because he envied the guy a little. After all, for him there was an out from this nightmare. He’d finish his shift in the morning and could return to his normal life. As sweet, kind, and compassionate as Ev was, this was ultimately only a paycheck. When Corky passed one day, Ev would simply move on to the next person in need. Sure, he’d probably feel some sadness, some grief, but it would be nothing compared to the hole that would be left in the world for Milt.
Sighing, he turned toward the detached garage, his slippers sliding on the wet and partially frozen grass. The night air foretold winter.
The garage’s single window glowed yellow. Milt entered through the side door, softly. He stood for a moment, regarding this man he’d pledged to spend his life with, for better or worse, and felt a sad smile creep across his own features. Corky was naked underneath the red-and-black Hudson Bay blanket Ev had wrapped him up in, yet he probably wasn’tthatcold. That blanket was a heavy mother!
“Bev! Bev… listen. And then we can go downtown with Gran, and she’ll buy me a new Matchbox car at the five-and-dime. Yes, sir!”
Corky’s smile lit up his features, making his dark brown eyes twinkle, adding more lines to his face, but somehow making him appear more boyish in spite of the wrinkles. He jabbered on to the person sitting across from him, his sister Beverly, taken from them years ago by breast cancer. Milt could almost see her sitting across from Corky, wearing one of the bedazzled sweaters she favored, her head shaved and her dark eyes looking bigger behind the oversized tortoiseshell glasses she always wore.
Milt then stared down at the oil-stained concrete floor, the tears welling up and threatening to spill over.He’s happy.That much was plain to see. Corky had been tortured when his mind started going, when he couldn’t remember things, when he’d been aware of the loss he was enduring.
But then things had changed as he fell farther and farther down into the well of his mind. The years erased themselves, and most of the time he lived as a boy again, innocent and happy. He truly didn’t have a care in the world, most days.
Milt almost envied him. “Hey.” Milt sat next to him and nudged him with his shoulder. Across from them, against the wall, stood the big box containing their Christmas tree. Would they take it out this year? Would Corky even be around to help trim it?
Corky looked over at him, a little surprised. Milt could see he was groping around in his head, trying to recall who Milt was. This would have hurt Milt once, but now it was just par for the course. He placed a hand on Corky’s knee. “It’s time for bed.”
“Bed? Get out! I’m not tired.” Corky’s gaze penetrated Milt’s. He looked a little surprised, maybe even a little annoyed, as though the hour was 4:00 p.m. instead of 4:00 a.m.
“Well, tired or not, it’s very late. And we all need our rest.” Milt thought about the long hours ahead of him, knowing that falling back asleep was nothing more than a pipe dream, the fantasy of a younger, untroubled man.
“I want pancakes,” Corky insisted.
Milt sighed, and then he smiled. Corky had always told him that when he was a little boy and his mama would ask what he wanted for supper, his answer was always the same: “Pannycakes.”
