Page 53 of Jealous of the Clouds
“Sure, sure.” I pulled out the drawer of the desk by the front door, searching for my keys.
“He didn’t make it.”
I said nothing. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“I knew him pretty well.”
I didn’t think to ask how, and there was something in the back of my head that explained that particular connection, but panic and fear ripped away the chance I might have had to put two and two together.
“That’s really a shame. Listen, I need to get to Ted. I’m worried.” I blew out a breath of impatience and relief as I locatedmy keys on the floor under the desk. I stooped to grab them and stood.
“Of course you are.”
“Thank you for calling.” I hung before he could say anything more.
Outside, the cold gripped me and I pulled the jacket closed at my chest, wishing I’d at least thought to grab a scarf or hat.
I hurried to my car, parked about halfway up the block, toward Sheridan.
And, even before I could come within a couple hundred feet, I saw that both front tires were flat. The car sat a helpless, and useless, angle.
I should have been suspicious when, not ten minutes later, Joshua Kade pulled up. He was a threat, right?
But he’d been so kind on the phone. And I was a little panicked. And maybe, what he said was true. Perhaps therewasa misunderstanding. His face looked so full of concern and compassion as he idled next to me, the window down, worry creasing his features.
“Oh, no,” he said. “If it was just one tire, I’d change it for you.”
“Damn it.” I was already pulling out my phone and looking for the Uber app.
“I’m on my way to the hospital now.” He lifted something from the seat. I peered in. It was a Giordano’s pizza box. “I’m bringing him this. It’s his favorite.”
And it was. And this small detail—along with concern about Ted—caused all reason and all suspicion to flee from my mind.
“Get it. I’ll take you.”
And, stupid as a child getting into a white van because of the promise of candy, I did get in. I got in.
*
Again, I was a fool. Stupid. Gullible. What’s the phrase I’ve read in movie and book reviews?Too stupid to live. Yup, that was me.
And as I lay there on Joshua Kade’s messy, tangled-sheets bed, my wrists and ankles bound with silk neckties to the headboard and footboard, I thought about telling myself I’d gotten just what I deserved, that I wastoo stupid to livewas most likely about to become literal truth.
As soon as I was in his car, the charade was over. Josh pulled a hunting knife from beneath the driver’s seat and held it to my midsection. Just the appearance of it, pointed and serrated, designed for ripping flesh, an instrument of torture and of death, made me nauseated. My stomach churned and my face broke out in a cold sweat. “Please,” I whimpered. Even I didn’t know the answer to the question,please what?
“Honey, don’t even bother.” He started the car and shifted into gear. We pulled away from the curb and I watched as Lake Michigan’s reflection faded away in the sideview mirror. Even though he lowered the knife to his side, he still gripped it. That was enough to paralyze me. There were people out on Sheridan Road, but I didn’t dare try to signal any of them. Would you? I could have rolled down the window and screamed. I could have opened the door and taken my chances by rolling out of my seat on to the road.
But I simply couldn’t move. My voice was trapped somewhere inside.
I’d never experienced fear like this before.
So I simply put my head down and wondered if I’d ever see this lake, these people, this neighborhood again.
It didn’t take us long to get to Josh’s. I knew the police were looking for him and I questioned how smart it was to come here, but what did it matter? All of this would be over quickly. I wasn’t about to reveal any information I knew about Ted to thismonster. When Josh didn’t get what he wanted, he’d dispose of me. I was only a thing, a tool, a means to an end. And when that tool has no more use, there’s no sentimentality. You just get rid of it—just get rid ofme.
I was weirdly calm.
He led me inside and I was the picture of compliance as he tied me to the bed. I wasn’t sure what would happen next, what instruments of torture he might bring out, but I accepted whatever would come.
