Page 56 of Jealous of the Clouds
We’d hugged at the doorway and I told her to be careful.
She gave me a sad grin. “I don’t know that there’s much reason to be especially careful anymore. He’s gone.”
I touched her cheek and then moved my hand away. I could see the turmoil and the still-alive terror beneath her features. “Yes, you’re right. But you’ve been through a terrible experience. I’m always here for you.”
“Hey! I’m a tough old broad. What I’ve survived might surprise you.” She then my concerned gaze and I saw she was putting on a brave front. I loved her for that. “Thanks, sweetie. I know.”
I watched as she made her way down the stairs to the lobby and front door. I was about to ask her how she would be getting home because I wasn’t sure of the status of her car, and then checked myself. I was her friend, not her protector. She was a strong, capable woman. If her car wasn’t out there, parked nearby, the Bryn Mawr L stop was only a couple blocks away. Or she could pull up her Uber or Lyft app on her phone. This was Chicago. If there wasn’t a cab nearby, there were drivers out in force.
She’d be fine.
And so will I.
I turned and looked around Karl’s condo. It was neat, bright with sun, which the hardwood floors reflected. Framed posters, pops of color against the white walls, reflected Karl’s taste in art—Keith Haring, David Hockney, and Yayoi Kusama—and, I thought, reflected his soul. The color, the inventiveness, the creativity of the prints all came down to one word—joy.
Ted was in his office now, with the doors closed, and I knew better than to bother him. He’d be getting ready for his interviewwith Shondell today. I’d asked him over breakfast if I could sit in on the proceedings, but he declined, saying he didn’t want her to feel intimidated and that he worked better alone.
I understood and hoped he’d at least let me listen before it was broadcast to the general public.
Seeing him at work made me realize I needed now to get back to my old job, my old life. I’m sure everything wasn’t on hold for my troubles. I would have a lot of catching up to do. It was safe to go home again. I knew the police would want to question me, but I also had faith that these crime elements of my immediate present would soon begin to fade away now that Josh was out of the picture.
My time with him was already beginning to feel surreal, like something I’d glimpsed in a David Lynch movie or read about in a Laura Lippman novel.
One of the French doors to Ted’s office creaked as he opened it. We faced one another across his well-ordered living room, two men who’d been through so much together. Did I really know him? Did he really know me?
My heart answered.Yes. You knew each other long before the current events that define your recent time together. It feels like that. He’s someone whom I’ve known for years and years. In his face, I see compassion, kindness, curiosity.
I see home.
I see love.
I went to him without a word and wrapped my arms around him. Without hesitation on either of our parts, our lips merged and desire ignited and burned.
No words.
No words.
Simply him leading me to the bedroom. It felt as comfortable as a pair of old slippers and as exciting as a tsunami.
It felt right, not especially in that foolish country called The Mind, but in that never-wrong area called The Heart.
Sometimes we must trust in our hearts; it’s the best way, the truest way. And right now, I knew, with complete conviction, this time, this release was ours to savor and share.
It was ours to mark as a beginning.
Chapter 27
Ted
Karl relented. “So I asked Shondell if she minded your being present at the recording. She doesn’t. But you need to remember I’ll need you to be totally quiet as we record.”
“Of course.” I felt like he didn’t really need to place this precaution in front of me, but said nothing about that. Instead, I did say, “Thanks for trusting me. And I’ll behave.”
He kissed me and it send a jolt zipping through me. We were still fresh from our first intimacy and I now saw Karl through different eyes—he was a lover, yes, but also a best friend, someone I felt I knew so well, even if reason, logic, and history dictated differently. Neither of us had talked about what the future might hold, but I knew that, for both of us, there was a sense of security, a sense that things were unfolding perfectly in spite of all the troubles we’d endured together.
There was a knock and we both tensed. It was her. Shondell. Josh’s sister. What could she tell us that we didn’t already know? Would there be surprises? Twists? Revelations neither Karl nor I could have predicted?
I stood back and watched as Karl hurried to the door. He was wearing a pair of dark jeans, a pale gray sweater, and black running shoes. I suddenly longed for all of this, especially this podcast interview, to be over, so we could cement our relationship even further, both physically, naturally, but evenmore, emotionally. I already felt I needed him like I needed air, food, and water.
