Page 64 of Back in the Country
The corner of his mouth twitches, and I grin before sobering.
“I’m not a city girl, Sorren. I’d rather be here, driving past the corn fields and cotton instead of going to a different bar every night listening to some up-and-coming musician sing about it.”
It’s the most honest I’ve ever been with him about Nashville. I’m thankful for my time there, and I’ll always want to visit, but it wasn’tme.Tourists and locals flooded the street and I was somewhere in between—never quite fitting in.
“I miss seeing the stars with no light pollution, and I like being able to walk down the street and greet everyone by name.Thisis home, Sorren. You got us here. You made me safe and loved andthis is me.”
My arms spread out to my sides in demonstration as resignation mixed with something else settles over his features.
“I didn’t know.” He rubs his hand over his jaw and looks out the window. “I wanted you to have opportunities and choices so that you didn’t feel trapped here.”
“What’s so wrong with Clementine Creek?”
“Nothing. I just—” He takes a deep breath and blows it out before looking at me. “It was—is—hard being your brother, and also being a parent, and figuring out if I was giving you everything I possibly could so you’d be happy.”
I can’t stop the tears from spilling over my lashes, no matter how hard I try to blink them back.
“You areeverythingto me and you gave meeverything.I’ve never gone a day without love becauseyouloved me. I can’t begin to imagine what a burden I’ve been, butthisis where I’m happy. This is where I feel at home.”
“You’ve never been a burden.” His tone is serious and unwavering.
“You were a fourteen-year-old kid when you officially became my caretaker, but you’ve raised me my whole life.”
“You’re easy to love, Marlee girl.” The boyish smile he so rarely shows graces his lips, and a fresh wave of tears threaten. I grasp his hand in mine and squeeze. He squeezes back, and I feel like I can breathe for the first time since he sat down.
“You don’t need to take care of me anymore. I want us to support each other, to be there for each other in whatever we need. I want you to be my brother, and I want you to let me help.”
The shift in his demeanor is immediate, like a wild animal that has been cornered and is planning their escape. He pulls his hand from mine, and I feel the loss in my soul.
“There are things that I can’t talk about—that I don’t want to talk about—and everything else, I just need time,” he says through clenched teeth, and I feel him slipping away.
“I don’t want to lose you!” The words burst from my chest on a strangled cry. “I’ve watched you give and give and give and now that I can finally help, I can finally carry some of that weight, you won’t let me. If anything ever happened to you and I didn’t do anything to stop it, I’d never forgive myself.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like, Sorren? Because the people I chase the hardest, the people I love the most, always push me away.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You, Waylon. Mom.”
“Mom was…sick.” He’s weighing his words, and I feel the anguish from moments before being replaced with anger. “She had postpartum depression that wasn’t properly treated. She was just medicated and then spiraled.”
“And that makes what she did okay?”
“No.”
“I’m sorry she was sick, Sorren, but I’m not sorry that it brought us to Clementine Creek.”
“What about Waylon?” His tone is calm if a little exhausted.
“I told Waylon I wanted to be together after I turned twenty-one. He told me he wished things were different but said we couldn’t. Waylon pushed me away, but I won’t let it happen again.”
I stop myself before I tell him I’m in love with his best friend, because Way deserves to hear it first.
Standing up, I pace around the kitchen as I watch my brother slowly rub the palm of his hand over his jaw. He won’t meet my gaze and not in theI don’t want to talk about military thingsway. No, this is anI was an overprotective older brother and my sister is going to kick my asskind of thing, and if he doesn’t start talking, I’m going to lose it.
“I told Waylon not to pursue anything with you after you graduated from high school.”
