Page 7 of Unexpectedly Falling
Best friends. Sisters. Soulmates.
“Is that it?”
“I think so.” Glancing one more time around my room, I try and push down the thoughts that this is anything but temporary.
“What about Christmas?” Kinsley asks and I shrug. Thanksgiving came early this year and we’d spent it together in our apartment.
“I haven’t really thought about it honestly. My parents are going to Aruba and my sister has plans.”
“You can come home with me if you want, or I can cancel and you can come back here.”
“I’ll let you know. It’s not even December yet, so we have some time.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to be so far away,” Kinsley whines.
“You can come visit me, you know, and I’m sure I’ll need you to talk me off the ledge.” I try to make the joke but it falls flat.
My shoulders slump and Kinsley climbs off the bed to wrap me in a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay.” I don’t know if she means my soccer career or Jensen or the soccer program, but I just nod and squeeze her tighter.
I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t living and breathing soccer—it’s not only my entire life but it’s part of my personality.
It’s part of who I am.
I don’t know my life without it and I swore I never would.
Being with Remi didn’t make me panic because it was temporary. I knew I’d find her biological father and things would go back to normal in my world.
But they hadn’t, and I needed to figure out how to get my head in the game so I could be out of Blackstone Falls and back to Nashville before I completely lost myself.
4
JENSEN
Ibought every baby book I could find when the results of the paternity test came back informing me that I am, indeed, the father. I’d considered myself to be good under pressure—quick on my feet and damn good at defusing situations when necessary. But the number of life and death situations I’ve encountered during my time in law enforcement hadn’t prepared me for instant parenthood.
The last month had been excruciating—supervised visits and home checks and while I appreciated the thoroughness, I hated watching Remi being taken back to her cousin each time.
Nessa Hart.
The woman who, despite my numerous attempts, refused all my invitations to meet prior to finalizing Remi’s custody petition. The court had supplied limited information on her and Remi’s birth mother, Scarlett Hart, but one phone call to a friend in Chicago, who does private investigation and security work, had provided a whole lot more.
The information was thorough and overall insightful, but it didn’t tell me anything aboutthem.I could ask Nessa, but whatwould I tell Remi when she asked what her mother’s favorite color was or if she preferred chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?
The grief of not knowing still ate me up inside, and no amount of talking about it had eased the guilt I carried around with me.
So far.
I’d been assured that it would take time but that I’d be able to breathe and not feel like my entire worth was summed up into the events of one night.
One encounter with a beautiful woman.
I didn’t regret Scarlett and I sure as hell didn’t regret Remi, but given the chance, I would have asked for her name and given her mine. We wouldn’t have been strangers and when those two little lines appeared on the pregnancy test, she could have called me.
If nothing else, we could have been a team—figured it out together.
Dragging my hands over my face, I take a deep breath and hold it before blowing it out. Moments like these made it hard not to spiral into the abyss of the unknown. Even doing the best that I can seems woefully inadequate.
My head was at war with my heart when I knew I needed to just trust my gut.
