Page 10 of Accidentally Falling
“You have no one to blame but yourself. You started this.”
“Lucky me.”
You and me both.
6
ARDEN
PRESENT DAY
Do you have what it takes?
By Arden James
Something special is happening at the Greene Farm and they’re asking for your help! A box with three little kittens was dropped on the Greenes’ front porch early this week. The kittens are pictured below and need names! Prizes are listed on the form below…
“Arden James?” The sound of my name makes me jump, the nurse in purple scrubs offering me a sympathetic smile as she holds open the door into the inner sanctum of the office. Closing out of the newspaper’s website, I toss my phone into my purse. Standing slowly, I wipe my palms on my pants and take a steadying breath.
This is fine.
Everything is fine.
After following her through the door, I dutifully pee into the cup I’m provided and then we’re off again through the maze of hallways to the exam room.
I’m already exhausted by the time I’m seated on the crunchy paper, my heart hammering as I try to recount my medical history.
“I think I’m about eight weeks,” I hear myself say.
“How are you feeling? Is there anything I can get you?” Her voice is gentle and I realize I’m wringing my hands in my lap, my face flushed hot.
“No, I’m…” Swallowing down the nausea, I continue, “I’m just nervous and I…I just want to hear the heartbeat before I tell anyone. We can do that, right?”
Her expression softens. “Yes, we can do that.”
I want to answer all her unasked questions.Yes,I know who the father is.No,I didn’t realize I missed my period.Yes,I’ve always been regular with my birth control…
But I don’t.
I can’t.
Because I’m hanging on by a thread when she finally leaves the room, telling me to undress from the waist down and that the doctor will be in shortly.
I wish my phone wasn’t sitting across the room because nothing about the generic posters in this room is helping my anxiety—not even a little. The only thing stopping me from getting up and grabbing it is the fact that there’s no way in hell I’m flashing my backside seconds before they have a front-row view from the front.
Knock. Knock.
“Arden? Hi, I’m Dr. Joyce,” the petite woman says as she walks into the room and takes the stool in front of me. Her red hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and her green eyes are kind as they lock with mine.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I tell her even though it’s too soon to know if that’s actually true. Also, is she old enough to be doing this? I can’t tell if I’m getting older or if everyone around me is just getting younger.
“It’s nice to meet you too. I usually ask questions first, but based on the notes I have, I think you’d be more comfortable if we did the ultrasound before all that.”
“Please.”
“No problem.”
I want to weep because her kindness means everything in this moment. I lie back on the table and do my best to breathe through her instructions, through the sounds in the room and theyou’re going to feel a little pressurewarning.
