Page 19 of Accidentally Falling
“I know,” I whisper back, hating that I can’t stop the tears from falling and that I couldn’t hide this from her. “I’m sorry I…”I don’t know how to be happy about this yet.
“What can I do?” Her eyes are soft, the color so much like mine, her expression devoid of her usual sass.
“I don’t know how to do this, El. I’ve never seen this work. I’ve never had the support.” The words are a jumble one on top of the other, my face flushed with frustration as I try to make sense of it.
“We’re not our parents,” she says firmly. “It’s not the same because I had a dad and you didn’t growing up, but Grandad and Nan were more my parents than mine were.”
“But—”
“We have each other.” She waves her hand around. “We have each other and our friends and we get to bring these babies into the best kind of loving chaos. So, it’s not the same but I get it. Just ask Montana. I’ve been drivin’ him batty since I told him the news.”
“That’s your love language. He lives to be tormented by you,” I say wryly and she grins.
“You’re not wrong. I’m just lucky he tolerates me.”
She lifts one shoulder and lets it drop as if her husband isn’t the most patient man on the planet. At the rate he’s going, it won’t be long before he’s in line for sainthood.
“You haven’t asked who the father is.”
“Figured you’ll tell me when you’re ready. I mean, hell, you never have to if you don’t want to. I’ll be your baby daddy.” She gives me a wolfish grin that has me snorting out a laugh becausethisis my sister and she’s a thousand percent not kidding.
“I’m getting a shirt made.”
“I love it. Let’s make it real awkward.” She winks before sobering. “But you need to tell me if he’s bein’ an asshole because I’ll have to let someone else kick his ass.” Rolling her eyes, she adds, “Apparently you’re not supposed to start fights when you’re pregnant.”
“So, you’ll just farm out the violence?” I laugh as her lips twitch and her eyes sparkle with mischief.
“I will if they’re tryin’ to hurt my sister.”
“He’s not. It’s Jude.”
“Jude Rhodes?” she says, surprised before a devilish smile stretches across her face. “Damn, girl, you picked a hell of a sperm donor.” Nodding her approval, she adds, “That’s one fine baby daddy.”
She’s not wrong.
“He’s been really patient.”
“Have you told your mom yet?” she asks, and I shake my head as I let her lead me to the couch.
“No, I wanted to tell you first. I threw up in front of the guys at Vetted Paws.” Sighing, I add, “That’s actually how Jude found out.”
“Oh, boy,” she muses, fitting herself against the cushion. “I think it’s time you started from the beginning.”
“I had a meltdown over Dad dating my mom again,” I admit, rubbing the space between my eyebrows. “I hate the idea that he’s just wasting her time—that he’ll wake up and decide she’s not who he wants and break her heart again.”
“I can see how that would set you off,” she says, her reassurance so much more than I ever thought I’d need.
It’s validating. That maybe I’m not just out of my mind over this.
“I want her to be happy; I do. But she never got over him, you know? I can’t remember any actual boyfriends. It was always just us. I don’t know how to cope with the possibility of a fallout because I’ll choose her.”
“Hell,” Ellison says shifting her legs on the couch, “I’ll choose her too if things go south, but I think they’re doin’ all right. I know it’s hard for you to trust our father, and some days it’s hard for me too, but I’ve never seen him like this. It’s not like he was happy with my mother all those years. He was a shell of a man who found pockets of happiness.”
That makes me sad too.
I want them to be happy. I just don’t know if I’m ready for those two parts of my world to completely collide.
And the worst part is, I’m not sure I ever will be.
