Page 59 of Accidentally Falling
My heart is breaking in my chest, the pain so visceral I swear it’s real. I know she’s hurting and scared but I’m those things too. It’s another lesson to learn, one that reiterates the kind of mom I want to be and the one I don’t.
“Arden, please.”
“It’s time for you to go. I don’t know what you thought breaking up with Dad would fix but it’s nothing between us,”—I wave my hand around—“and it’s nothing to do with me. I need you to be happy for me and I need you towantto be here. I need you to respect my decisions and be overjoyed with the news that I’m having a little girl, because I’m excited and I’m done letting anyone steal the happiness from these moments. And that includesme.”
Dez pushes his snout into my hand, and I take a steadying breath as I pet his head, so incredibly grateful to him for never leaving my side.
“Being a mother is terrifying and beautiful and?—”
“And it’s my journey now and I’d really love to start living it.”
31
ARDEN
“Ithink I broke up with my mom today.”
The spoon Jude is using to stir the vegetables in the pan comes to a halt as he turns to look at me. Nights like this have become my favorite—Jude cooking and music playing while Dez and I sit in the kitchen and watch. Sometimes we talk about our day, but other times we’re quiet and I like that too.
Unfortunately, the latter is not on the menu tonight.
“What happened?” he asks, setting the spoon down as he turns to face me.
“She came over and wanted to talk. I think she had good intentions, but she can’t see beyond her past and I just can’t have that. She broke up with my dad and she’s so very convinced that I'm doing itwrongand…” I swallow hard and meet his gaze, his handsome face a storm of emotions, and still there’s so much strength in the way he carries himself, like he’s always ready to hold me up too.
“You’re not doing it wrong.We’renot doing it wrong.”
“I know and that’s the point. I’ve had such a hard time getting to this point.” I motion between us and my belly, Dez following my hand like it’s a game. “I can’t afford to let anything comebetween us.”Even if it’s my mom.“I don’t want to be like her, Jude, not like she is right now.”
My eyelids fall closed, and Jude comes around the island and wraps me in his arms, my head falling to his chest as I let him just hold me.
“I’m so sorry, Arden. I hope she comes around because you’re right—you’ve overcome so much in these last few months. You’re incredible and our baby is so lucky to have you.I’mso lucky to have you.” Dez woofs from the floor and my shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Dez isalsolucky to have you.”
“He was such a good boy today,” I manage. “He never left my side the entire time she was here.”
“Good boy, Dez,” Jude murmurs, reaching down to give the dog a pat.
“I think the part that hurts the most is that of everyone in my life, I thought she’d be the one to understand. I mean, she raisedmeto be strong and independent. Why doesn’t she think I can do this?”
“Even though it’s misplaced, I think it’s how she’s able to show you she cares.”
“But her worries aren’t my worries.”
“I know. When I joined the military, my mother had been gone a pretty long time. It wasn’t something that we talked about because we knew Dad had never gotten over losing her. When I was injured, Deacon was my primary caregiver. Dad just couldn’t do it—even though I was stable. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing me too. He retreated into himself like not seeing me at all was better than being there if something happened.”
“Jude.”
“I’m just saying it doesn’t always make sense, and I’m sure there will come a time when we’re at odds with our daughter too.”
“But why are you defending her?”
“Because she’s your mom and I’m trying like hell to get us through this pregnancy before you decide that you don’t want her in your life. I’m not saying I’m going to allow her to make you upset or interfere in our relationship, but I also don’t want you to wake up a year from now and regret that you no longer speak to her.”
“You’re a good man, Jude Rhodes. I don’t think I say that enough.”
He chuckles and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I’m trying something new.”
“Is that right?”
