Page 8 of Accidentally Falling
I know.
“You can do this. It’s going to be okay.” Whispering the words aloud as I snatch the test from the box isn’t much, but I swear it helps as I rip open the wrapper, uncap the test, and dunk it into the cup I peed into a couple of minutes ago.
I’ve seen plenty of videos on social media where the woman takes a test and then has to wait the entire couple of minutes listed on the box before they get a result.
But not me.
No, that sucker lit up fast and furious with two pink lines.
Pregnant.
I’m not surprised, and for the moment I’m not scared, but I just can’t seem to pull my eyes away from the test.
Just frozen in time as I stare at the lines, my hand still steady as I hold the test.
One breath.
Two.
Holy shit.
“Holy shit.” My voice is mingled with the sound of plastic bouncing around the sink, my hands now grasping the edge of the counter as I gasp for air.
A baby.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to have a house and a husband— a boyfriend at least. Someone who loves me and has made a commitment to me and only me.
I wasn’t supposed to end up like my mother.
Twin reactions course through me at the thought—guilt for saying it,thinking it,and the bone-deep sadness that I did the one thing I promised myself I’d never do.
I grew up watching my mother sacrifice so much to raise me, and even though she never complained, I know it wasn’t easy. They say you want to give your kids the things you never had, andGod,I just wanted mine to have a dad. Someone to throw the ball with and teach them to ride a bike.
Do a cannonball into the pool.
Change the oil on the car.
All the things I wish my father would have taught me.
You don’t know that Jude won’t want to be a part of the baby’s life. You don’t know anything. You just found out. It’s going to be okay.
And deep down, I know it will because if Judedoesn’twant to be this baby’s father, I know that Montana, Archer, Jensen, Mason, Cal, and Bodhi will go above and beyond to make sure we’re taken care of.
Loved.
This baby will only know love.
“You will only know love.”The words are a whisper as my hand goes to my belly, an affirmation.
A promise.
To both of us.
5
ARDEN
ONE YEAR AGO
