Page 20 of Enough
“Whatever it is, you can do it!” Gwen replies confidently. “You’re smart and stronger than you know. It’s your turn to do something for you.”
I take a deep breath. “What type of hours do you think I’ll get in my first job out of school, say if I was able to get a job at St. Mary’s with you?”
“It’s hard to predict. I’m guessing they’d put you with someone for a while in training. Probably day shift, but most likely you’d switch to nights or afternoons.”
I cringe and sigh loudly into the phone. “Stop!” Gwen yells. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to talk yourself out of it.”
“No, I’m not!” But secretly, I’m wondering how it would work. I’d have to find someone to watch the kids. If I worked afternoons, I’d never see them. Then they’d never see either of us. Panic strikes my heart as I continue through the store, heading over to the medicine section. I suddenly need some ibuprofen. My head hurts. “Hey, can I call you later?” I ask Gwen.
“Yeah… call me after the kids get settled. I’m working nights this week to cover vacation time. Should be interesting.”
“K, bye.”
I slowly push my cart toward the medicine and rememberI should pick up some dog food. As I walk past aisle after aisle, I people-watch. There’s a man in the toothpaste aisle with leopard print pants on. I giggle to myself. In the soap aisle, a mom is chasing a small girl as she grabs everything she can carry off the shelf and tosses it into the cart. Ugh. Poor lady. The little girl must be about three years old. I’m not sure who coined the term “terrible twos,” but they must have created it before their child hit age three. Three is far more challenging, if you ask me.
I make my way past the feminine aisle and stop dead in my tracks. I turn into the aisle and stare at the rows and rows of tampons, panty liners, and pads. I can feel my eyes rolling over the displays as I mentally try to remember when I had my last period. I’ve never been very regular. Sometimes my period even skips a month or so. Stress has a lot to do with it. I count backwards in my head. I remember having cramps during Kale’s open house. When was that? I pull out my phone and flip through the calendar. One, two… months ago.Holy crap.I must be due to get it. I touch my stomach and realize I’ve had slight cramps and a headache this week. Maybe I’d better pick up some tampons just in case.
As I grab a box of regular and super plus and toss them into the cart, a blue box catches my eye. A pregnancy test. I stare at it from afar. I couldn’t possibly be pregnant, could I? I laugh to myself. Mike and I have had sex once in the last… well, shit… in the last eight months or so. There’s no way I’m pregnant. He used a condom too. I shake my head at myself as I leave the aisle. Something pulls me to glance back and I feel a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I shake it off. I haven’t eaten yet today. I’d better grab some lunch before I need to get the kids.
“MOM, I’M HUNGRY.”
“I know,” I respond as I check my phone. It’s seven thirty and no word from Mike. The kids usually eat dinner around six and they’re starving. I wonder if I should call him.
“I thought you said Daddy was coming home early?” Marlow asks.
“That’s what he said.” I lift my phone and hold my finger over his name. Just then Roscoe starts to bark and runs toward the laundry room. I breathe a sigh of relief. “See! He’s home!”
“Thank gosh!” Kale runs to the door, swinging it open. “Where’s the pizza?”
I feel sudden dread.
“Pizza?” Mike asks. “I thought I told your mom to order one.”
My head flips to the side and I stare at him as he stammers into the kitchen. “No…” I say. “This morning you said, ‘I’ll try to come home early and pick up a pizza for dinner.’”
Mike stares at me for a moment. “I guess I shouldn’t talk to you when you’re half asleep. I told you I’d come home early and you should order a pizza.”
“Mom!” Marlow shouts in frustration at my apparent error.
I mentally review the morning and I’m certain of what I heard. I think.
“You mean the kids haven’t eaten yet?” he asks with furrowed brows.
I allow him to make me feel incompetent. “No! I was waiting for you to bring home a pizza.”
Mike sighs as he looks down at Kale and Marlow. “Put on your shoes. I’ll take you to McDonalds.”
“Really?” Kale asks excitedly.
“Yes, really.”
Kale and Marlow scramble for their shoes. “Could you just bring home something for me?” I ask. “I need to pay a few bills.”
“Sure,” he responds.
“I think you should have them eat in the car. It’s late and they need to get ready for bed soon.”
“Yep,” Mike agrees.
