Page 3 of Enough
Memories of Nick flood my mind. He was tall, dark, and handsome. Our first date was set up by my friend Amy, who was dating Nick’s best friend, Cooper. He was only in town for the weekend and went to school three states away in Wisconsin. He was twenty-one and I was seventeen. I figured he wouldn’t be interested, but I was wrong. I almost smile when I remember how my heart constricted at the first sight of his hazel eyes and dazzling smile.
I refocus on the red door. I shake my head at myself. I was so afraid to sleep with Nick because I thought I’d get pregnant. Now, here I am, just a couple years later, pregnant by Mike with nowhere to go. There’s poetic justice.Fuck me.
My stomach twists and my hand returns to my mouth. When I realize there are no more nails left to chew, I start picking off the polish. I can’t do it. I need more time to think. I haven’t even figured out what I’m going to say to her.
As I hurry around my car, I hear the screech of tires. A fire-red Mustang whips around the corner. I’m pretty sure the driver misses the stop sign. He’s going too fast to have seen it.What an idiot,I think to myself. Imagine my surprise when the passenger focuses into view. The driver stops suddenly at the end of my grandmother’s driveway. I watch her lean over and place a swift kiss on the lips of the driver, who is at least twenty years her junior. I blush as my head falls and I laugh to myself. Grandma Kay isn’t your typical grandmother.
“Hey, songbird!” she hums as she leaps out of the car. “Did we have plans this weekend? My mind isn’t quite what it used to be.” She flies over to me and pulls my chest to hers for a quick hug before lifting my chin to examine my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” she asks with a frown. I have this problem with looking people in the eyes when I’m upset or afraid. She immediately knows something isn’t right when I can’t meet her gaze.
The horn honks behind her as the window zips down. “Same time next week, Kaylynn?” the driver asks with a toothy grin.
“Yeah, yeah…” She waves him off nonchalantly as she intertwines her arm in mine and we make the walk to her steps.
As the Mustang speeds away, the red door of her home, my home, comes more clearly into view. The paint is starting to fade and chip away, maybe from the sun blaring down on it, but more than likely because I didn’t do a great job the last time. “I think we need to paint your door, Grandma,” I murmur.
Her eyes wash over the door then me. “If we’re painting that door, that must mean your heart needs some fixing.”
I close my eyes. I need to get this over with. “I have to tell you something, but before I do, I want you to promise me that you won’t hate me or be disappointed in me because I can promise you that I feel enough of that toward myself for theboth of us.”
She squares me to face her as my shoulder-length dark-brown hair flits across my face from the breeze.
“There is nothing,nothing, you could ever do to make me hate you or feel disappointed in you, Ev. You’re my baby girl and you always will be. Now just tell me. God gave you a mouth so you could spill your secrets and me a heart so I could listen. He gave us both hands so we could fix those problems and a big old door to paint to make things right. Now tell me what’s got you so afraid.”
I swallow hard as my eyes meet hers. If I’m going to be a mom, I’d better just grow up and take responsibility for my actions. “I’m…” I pause as her eyes search mine. “I’m… pregnant.”
I try to keep my eyes locked with hers, but after the words leave my mouth, their heaviness leaves my head so weak it falls downward to gaze at the sidewalk.
There’s brief silence then a gasp. I close my eyes as I wait for the questions about brain loss and irresponsibility when I feel and hear her begin to laugh. I briefly raise my head in question.
“You’re pregnant?” she asks as her eyes expand and a wide grin spreads across her dentures. The sun hits the grey hairs on her head and casts a glow around her like an angel. For seventy years old, she really looks and acts much younger.
My eyes dart up in wonder as she squeezes my arms tightly with her strong hands. “This is wonderful news, Ev! Just wonderful!” She regards me questionably when I say nothing and stare blankly. “Come on in. Let’s get to sitting. Then maybe you can explain to me why you’re as white as a ghost.”
“MOM, WHERE ARE my soccer cleats?” Marlow yells from her room.
“I think I saw them by the dog’s bed in the family room.”
Marlow thuds down the hall then rounds the corner into the kitchen. “Can you untie my shorts?” she asks.
I put the lid back on the roast and close the oven door before I bend down and sigh in frustration. “Did you make this knot?”
“Yes,” she responds. “I didn’t want them to fall down when I was running, but now I have to pee and I can’t get them off.”
I attempt to dig my nail into the fabric, but there’s no nail there to use. My nail-biting habit is out of control again.
“Mom!” I hear Kale scream from upstairs.
“Kale, if you want to talk to me, come down the stairs and speak in a normal voice.”
“I don’t want to come downstairs. I just wanted you to know that Marlow left her stinky socks on the bathroom floor.”
I sigh at Marlow as she dances from place to place. “Ireally have to pee, Mom,” she whispers in fear.
“Why did you leave your socks on the bathroom floor?” I ask as I manage to make a small dent in the fabric.
“They were wet.”
