Page 46 of Enough
I instantly understand Kale’s motivation for wanting me to know. I reach out to take the phone from him.
He grins widely. “Do you want to call him yourself?”
Marlow begins to bite her hair as she shifts from one foot to the other, watching me intently. I know I need to be careful what I say. I pray for the right words to come to me, but I have nothing. I take the home phone and place it back on the charger. Kale frowns.
“No, Kale. I’m not going to call your dad.” I lead him gently toward the table as I fall into the chair. I need to put my feelings about Krista aside and deal with the real issue. “I know how hard all of this is on the two of you, but you need to understand that your father and I won’t ever be getting back together.”
“Why not?” Kale asks as he yanks his hand away from me.
“Because we tried being married and it didn’t work.”
“Well, try again!” he shouts. “You say you know what this is like for me, but you don’t! Twice a week I go to Dad’s and have to sit with him while he tries to pretend he cares about stuff. He buys us McDonald’s and acts like it’s enough. Then all of a sudden we meet Krista and he acts different. He put on a damn show for her!”
“Don’t swear!” I correct.
“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?” he spouts back.
I glance over at Marlow and she’s now biting her nails. She stares at me anxiously, hanging on my every word and expression. I realize I’m being tested and I need to remain strong. “What am I going to do?” I respond. “I’m going to give you a chance to apologize, and if you don’t, then you’re going to lose your video games for a week.”
“Take them!” he cries back, tears flowing down his cheeks. “I don’t care about them. I don’t care about anything. My life sucks and it’s all your fault!”
He backs up slowly at first then dashes up the stairs. I hear his sobs and my heart breaks apart. I’ve been kidding myself into thinking the kids are handling the divorce better than I am. The truth is, we all handle stress and sadness differently, and I should have known they were struggling more than they were letting on. I immediately want to chase after him, but I see Marlow’s fearful, nervous expression and I decide to give Kale a moment to himself while I talk to her.
“Come here, baby,” I whisper.
She climbs onto my lap and rests her head on my chest. “He doesn’t understand,” she says empathetically.
“Doesn’t understand what?” I ask, stroking her curly blond hair.
“That you don’t love each other anymore.”
I close my eyes and reposition her so that I can see her face. “I will always love your daddy because he gave me the two of you. But there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with them.”
“There is?” she asks as her big blue eyes search mine in consideration.
“Yes. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but being in love means you think about someone first and put their needsabove yours. That you want their happiness more than you want your own. Your heart is so full of them that you feel it may burst. You can’t get close enough and they’re all you think about.”
She nods her head and then I watch it fall as she speaks lovingly. “Yeah, I get it. That’s how I feel about Norman.”
My eyes squint and I almost chuckle to myself until I realize she’s serious. “Norman from soccer?” I question as I run my fingers through her curls.
“Uh huh. I let him take the ball from me at practice today because I wanted him to be happy. I think about him all the time. That’s what you mean, right?”
I smile down at her. “Kind of. You really like him, huh?”
“Yeah, but he likes Olivia. He gave her my ball. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t.”
“What did you do?”
“I took it away from her and kicked her hard in the shin.”
“Marlow!” I half laugh, half shout.
She glances up at me, sees my expression, and begins to laugh too. “Will he ever love me, Mom?”
My eyebrows shoot up as I ponder how to answer. “Love is tricky. He may or he may not, but I know that doesn’t make your heart hurt any less.”
She stares off into the distance for a moment and huffs out her decision on the matter. “Know what? I decided my heart doesn’t hurt at all. If he’s going to take the gift I gave him and give it away, then he really doesn’t deserve me, does he, Mom?”
