Page 48 of Enough
“How do you feel about her?” he asks.
“Well… that’s kind of complicated. But I want your dad to be happy, so…”
“Don’t lie, Mom.” He twists his body to face mine and places his flashlight under his chin.
I smirk a little and push myself to stand. I flip on his light switch and he rubs his eyes to adjust to the light. I sit back down in front of him in the closet. “The truth is that it bothers me a little bit. But probably not for why you think.”
“Why? Tell me. I think you’re just saying what you think you’re supposed to. Please just tell me the truth. I can take it.”
I gaze into his big blue eyes and wonder when he grew up so much. I will time to stand still so I can keep him my little boy forever. I see the intensity in his face and know he really needs me to be truthful, so I am. “The truth is, I don’t want to be replaced. I don’t want her to be better than me, or prettiereither.” I laugh.
“She’s not.” He snickers.
“Replacing me?” I ask.
“No, you’re my mom. She’ll never be you. But she’s also not prettier than you either.” He watches me closely to gauge my reaction, and I can’t help but smile brightly. He returns my smile with a megawatt grin that lights me up even more.
“Good on all counts.” I laugh.
He laughs too, and I reach over and kiss his cheek. He doesn’t pull away, and I feel better for having told him what was weighing on my heart. “Anything else you want to know?” I ask.
“Not right now.”
My lips curl upward as I nod, stand, and head toward the door.
“Mom?” He stops me.
I turn to face him.
“I’m here for you too, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Kale. But please stop growing up so quickly.”
He grins back as if he understands, and after I hear him get into the shower, I lean my back on his door and breathe. I just breathe.
GWEN COMES HOME from working a double after I get home from driving the kids to school. Pretty soon they’re going to have to start taking the bus, but I decide to hold off on telling them that until it has to happen. Marlow hates the bus.
“How was work?” I ask. Gwen seems exhausted.
“We were shorthanded in the ER, so I had to go down to cover for three hours. I had to put a catheter in an eighty-two-year-old man. He seemed a little eager for me to touch his privates. Then later I had to find a vein in a dehydrated three-year-old. He was screaming and fighting the whole time. As much as I love Peds, sometimes it just breaks my heart.”
I side hug her as I stuff my mouth with a handful of chocolate chips.
“Hey,” she says as she grabs the bag from my hand. “You’re not supposed to be eating those.”
“I know, but I had a rough night. Once I had sugar it was like I was an addict looking for my next hit. This is my second bag. I hope you weren’t planning on making cookies anytime soon.”
“Ev! We’re not supposed to be eating shit like this! We’resupposed to be doing this together!”
I motion the bag toward her. “Want some?”
“No, I don’t want any.” She huffs in frustration. Then she pivots and says, “Actually I do. Can I have it?”
I smile knowingly and hand her the bag. She smiles as I hand it to her, then I see something change in her expression and I know she’s about to ruin my short-lived happiness. She sprints toward the kitchen sink and quickly dumps the entire bag into the drain. She starts the water and the disposal as I scream, “No!”
“You don’t need these. Neither of us does.”
“I do need those. Each little chip was a piece of sanity for me. You just drowned my sanity!”
