Page 57 of Enough
I stare at her. She’s having dinner with Cooper. “I wish I could be a fly on the wall! Can I put a bug on you so I can listen in on your conversation?” I laugh.
“It’s not a big deal, Ev. Really.”
Her mood has shifted, and I think I know why. Gwen acts extremely confident, and from the outside, she looks like she’s got it all together. But deep down, she and I aren’t very different, although she has a tougher outer shell than I do. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and she protects hers fiercely with a loaded gun. She’s been hurt way too many times and she’s learned not to get her hopes up about anything or anyone. But it was nice to see her so happy, even if it was just for a moment.
I wonder to myself if Cooper is still the guy I remember him to be. I think back to all our late night conversations on the phone when I would reassure him about Amy and he would reassure me about Nick. He was a good friend. When Nick and I broke up, Cooper and I stopped talking too. I guess it’s only natural. Memories of Nick and me flash through my mind, and I’m shocked that thinking about him causes me to experience feelings I thought were long forgotten.He never got over me?I mentally slap myself. Nothing is ever what it seems. I remind myself that I’m good on my own and that Nick lives really far away. Besides, I never want to have another man make me feel the way Mike did, and I’ll never putmyself out there to be hurt like that again.
I glance over at Gwen, and she’s silent and deep in thought. For once, I understand where she’s coming from. Putting your hope out into the world means the possibility of having it returned with a big slice of pain. It’s not worth it. I’m alone and that’s just fine with me.
IT’S THE NIGHT of Gwen’s dinner date with Cooper and I’m working seven to seven. I’m thankful for the distraction. It keeps my mind off of the excitement I feel for Gwen and my hope that maybe they’ll hit it off. Although she said it wasn’t a big deal, she also sent me pics of two different outfits and asked my opinion on which she should wear.
I find myself checking the clock in my patients’ rooms as I do my nightly rounds. I’m on the oncology floor, and it’s not an easy place for any patient or family member to be.
At eleven o’clock I start getting irritated that I haven’t heard anything about their date. I sigh to myself. Gwen told me it wasn’t a date. It was just two old friends from way back when meeting up for some food. It’s totally a date, but I agreed to appease her.
I sit down in the lounge to have a quick sip of coffee on my break and decide to text her.
Everly:You okay?
Nothing comes back for several minutes. Then the next thing I know I receive a text from a number I don’t recognize.
Unknown:Gwen is being very well cared for. How are you, Everly? I hear you’re a big shot nurse now.
My heart and mouth drop to the floor. I try to stay cool, but I’m not Gwen.
Everly:Cooper Ford! You’d better be treating my best friend to the time of her life. I’m trusting you to be the awesome man I remember.
I type his name into my contacts and save the number. I’m hoping the fact that he texted me back means that Gwen likes him.
In response, I receive a photo text of the two of them from Cooper’s phone. Gwen is smiling brighter than I’ve seen in forever. Time has been more than kind to Cooper. He looks amazing! I text him.
Everly:Are you on steroids? Where did this muscular man come from and what have you done with the Cooper I remember?
I shoot out the text and laugh to myself.
Cooper:Eight years in the Marines and six on the police force. This is all natural, baby!
Deep inside I wonder if Gwen and Cooper have discussed Nick. I’m dying to know, but I’m kicking myself for it. It’s just curiosity, nothing more. I try to think of a harmless way toask Cooper but draw a blank. Just as I begin to text Gwen, my coworker Landon pops his head in the room. “Hey, room 6134 is beeping for you. I tried to see what I could do, but he insists he needs you.”
I nod my head as I toss my cup in the garbage and place my cell into my back pocket. I wasn’t meant to ask, because it was never meant to be. It’s what I tell myself. It’s the story I’m holding on to.
The hours fly by. I don’t have time to think about anything because I’m swamped with work. I notice a few hours later that Gwen texted at midnight that she’d call me after the kids went to school. I try to shake off the surge of adrenaline it gives me to know I’ll hear all the details soon, and I pray things went well. It sure seemed like they were getting along well from the texts, but Gwen could have been putting on a smile for show. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s really thinking, and I know her better than almost anyone.
As I flush the IV of one of my patients and fix his sheets in an attempt to make him more comfortable, I can’t help but let my mind drift to thoughts of Nick. Cooper’s words about Nick never getting over me replay over and over in my head like the lyrics to a song. As much as I try to forget them, they just keep coming back.
I remember how I felt after we broke up, and I remind myself of how sure I was that he was cheating on me. Then I think back to Mike and all the times he made me doubt my own self-worth. I reach up and touch the center of my chest. It doesn’t actually hurt, but the memory of the pain is still as fresh as the pain itself. I will not allow myself to feel that way again.
“Love the nail polish, girl.”
I’m writing notes in the hall when my coworker, Abigail, coasts by.
“Thanks.” I’m slow to respond and I’m not sure she hears me as she darts into a patient’s room. I glance down at my nails and the pretty purple polish I put on this morning. I never want to bite my nails again. I tell myself that to keep my nails, I need to protect my heart at all costs. I’ll never put my heart out there again. In the famous words of Gwen Bryant, I’m done.
MY PHONE RINGS the minute I put the kids on the bus. As I slowly stumble toward the house in my scrubs, I yawn and pull my cell out of my back pocket. I wrap my arm around my chest. It’s definitely fall. I’m cold.
It’s Gwen. I can tell by her new ringtone, “Sugar, We’re Goin' Down” by Fall Out Boy.
“Hey!”
