Page 6 of Enough
“Goddammit, Everly! Do you hear yourself? Why would you want him, anyway? He treats you like shit every chance he gets.”
“Well, things have been really stressful lately. I guess I should be more understanding. Heissupporting us.”
I hear Gwen sigh. I know she can’t stand Mike. I don’t blame her. She’s seen him at his worst and at his best. She isn’t impressed with either.
“He wouldn’t have to be supporting all of you if he would have agreed to let you go back to school to finish your degree instead of him going for his master’s.”
I frown. It’s a sore subject. When Kale turned three and was in preschool, I made the suggestion that I take a few classes. Mike told me that with his busy work schedule, there wouldn’t be time for me to study and that I should wait until Kale was in school full time. He added that he couldn’t afford to pay my school bills either, for good measure. Never mind that I had dropped out of school to take care of Kale while Mike finishedhisdegree. Those two years of living with his parents still make me shudder. They were kind enough to let us stay there rent-free but insisted they would not be “raising your kid while you gallivant all over creation.”
“I know. The plan was that I go back to school when Kale turned five, but then I got pregnant with Marlow. Since Mike’s job offered to pay his tuition, it seemed like his going back to school was the right thing to do.”
“Yeah, I know the whole story, Ev. You don’t need to stick up for him. It was all too convenient for him to never behome for Marlow’s first two years because he was supposedly studying.”
I sigh and pick at the grass under my legs. I hold a small blade in my fingers and then stare out at the other blades throughout the park. I imagine I’m one small sliver in a sea of thousands of pieces of grass, small and insignificant. I glance up in time to see Marlow make a goal. She jumps up with her legs to the side and fist pumps the air. I laugh to myself. She has such spunk. I would have given up ten careers in a heartbeat for her. She’s my sweetheart. She makes eye contact with me, and I smile widely at her and give her a thumbs-up. It still warms my heart that she wants to make sure I see her every success.
“You’re so quiet,” Gwen continues. “I hope I didn’t overstep myself. It’s just I’ve been where you are. I shouldn’t have married Alex. Our marriage never worked, and it was good that we both got out after two years. I know you have kids and it’s not that easy, but I just hate to see you so sad all the time.”
I refocus on Gwen’s words and feel the ache in my chest. “You know I’ve thought about leaving him more times than I can count, but what about the kids’ needs? And where would we go? I have no job, no money, and I’m a complete mess on the outside and the inside.”
“You could go back to school and finish your degree to start. You only have one year left. The kids are both in school now. What’s holding you back? St. Mary’s Hospital is hiring. I would totally help you. Maybe I could talk to some people and get you on my floor. I know it’s hard to believe, but they love me there.”
I laugh lightly. “It’s not hard to believe at all. You talk aboutmybeing hard on myself… What about you? You’re beautiful, kind, giving, and super smart. Of course they like you!”
“Yeah, whatevs. If I’m so great, how come I haven’t had sex in three years, much less been on any dates?”
I sigh. “You need to leave your house to go on a date!”
“Why would I want to do that? I have movies, popcorn, Nutella, and a nice warm blanket.”
I shake my head. “Sex, remember?”
“Yeah, I guess that’s what Bob is for.”
I almost choke on my gum. “Bob?”
“My battery-operated boyfriend. He doesn’t complain and makes me come on demand. What more can a girl ask for?”
“Oh, Gwen.” I laugh. “What about that dating website?”
“I don’t know…” She pauses. “How about you sneak out this weekend and come over. If you’ll help me set it up, I’ll do it, but you have to write my bio. I suck at that stuff.”
“Deal!” I exclaim excitedly, but secretly I wonder how I’ll get away.
“Seriously though, you should really consider finishing your classes. You don’t have many left in order to graduate.”
I ponder her words for a moment and energy surges inside me. Maybe she’s right. When she tells me about her day and her patients, I feel so sad. I’ve wanted to be a nurse all my life. We discuss patients and procedures so much that sometimes I feel like I’m already working with her.I could still do it, right?I ask myself. I’m only thirty. As soon as I say thirty, I feel an ache in my back.Am I too old?I wonder what Mike will say when I ask him if I can. I shake my head angrily. Why should I have to ask? This is my life. It’s time I do something for myself for once.
Ten years earlier
“WHAT DO YOU mean he hasn’t called you?” Grandma Kay asks.
I sit at her kitchen table, slowly sipping on a glass of her famous homemade lemonade. I ignore her question for a moment and allow the feeling of it sliding down my throat to remind me of a time when I was five, sitting in this exact place. Things were much simpler then.
I hear her toes tapping and glance up to her stern expression. She’s waiting for me to respond. I don’t know how to answer without being blunt, so I am. “He doesn’t think I should have it.”
She slumps down into the chair at her oak kitchen table, and I can see the devastation of my words on her face.
I immediately add, “I told him I could never do something like that. If he doesn’t want the baby, then I’ll just have it by myself.”
