Page 76 of Enough
“It’s nothing, okay?”
His fist pounds into the dash. “It’s not okay, Ever. You need to talk to me. For once in your life just tell me how youreally feel!”
“I did tell you! I’m not meant for you. It’s clear.”
“Is that what you really think?”
“Yes,” I respond.
“You don’t want to be with me?” He winces as if he’s just been delivered a major blow.
“That’s not what I said.”
He sighs and turns away. His fingers cover his lips and I search for the right words to make him understand why I walked away from him and from us. “You’ve always had this power over me, Nick. Don’t you see? I loved you. I loved you more than anything, but I never felt like I was good enough for you.”
“Iwasn’t good enough foryou. I loved you, Ever. When you left me, you destroyed me.”
“I did?” I hush.
“You hurt me. I thought we were forever, and then one day it was just over. You said you were letting me go so I could find what I was looking for, but I didn’t understand. You wouldn’t return my calls or my letters. I thought of flying out to talk to you, but Cooper told me you said you never wanted to see me again.”
His voice cracks with the last two words, and my heart breaks. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I whisper painfully. It’s the truth.
“You were more than enough for me. I’m sorry I pushed you so hard. I’m sorry I made you feel that you weren’t. I don’t have an excuse. It was dumb male hormones. I thought with my dick more than my brain. But I loved you. You have to know that.”
My heart aches for my twenty-one-year-old Nick. I wantto turn back the clock and make him understand. But mostly, I want him to make me believe. “In my head I knew you cared, but my heart thought it was all about the sex.”
“I told you I’d wait and I meant it.”
“It was too much pressure.”
Nick nods and gazes out the window again. “I’m sorry, Ever.” He shakes his head as his brows lower, and he rubs his hands over the wheel. “I’m sorry that I caused you pain. All these years I felt like you were the one who crushed me, but now I know. I was just as much to blame for our breakup, if not more. I didn’t just hurt you, I broke you.”
“No, Nick. It wasn’t you. It was me. I ran. I was afraid and I ran. You were right.”
“I was right?” His lips curl upward slightly, and I can’t help but return his expression. “We were both wrong. Deal?”
“Well, maybe you a little more,” I say jokingly as I pinch my fingers together to give him a visual. He laughs and the sound warms my heart.
“Will you come back to my place for a bit so we can talk?”
“What about my car? I have to work tomorrow night.”
“Tomorrow’s Sunday.”
I nod my head. “People have babies and need nurses on Sundays too.”
He smiles. “Have babies?”
“I work in Labor and Delivery.”
“I see. Is that where you want to be?”
I babble on and on about how much I love taking care of people and what a dream it is for me to finally be a nurse. He listens attentively. I’m so comfortable with him that I tell him about my parents and about the baby I lost. His compassion forme and his genuine concern lift me up inside. It’s more than I could have hoped for. He seems to really care about what I have to say and it’s a new experience for me.
I glance up to his dash and realize how long I’ve been talking. “Oh my gosh… why didn’t you stop me? I’ve been yakking for over an hour.”
“I want to know about you. I want to hear everything I’ve missed.”
