Page 15 of Enough
Kale blindfolds his father as Mike takes a bite of Marlow’s, then Kale’s cookies.
“I can’t choose between them. These are the best cookies I’ve ever had,” Mike states honestly.
After everyone has their fill, Mike and the kids curl up on the couch to watch the newest Pixar film while I clean the kitchen. I long to be a part of it all and find myself feeling excluded and alone. I want Mike to tell me to just leave the dishesand join them, but he doesn’t, and I suddenly feel a desire for him to want me again. As much as I think the kids should clean up after themselves, I also know that they miss their father and need this time with him. So instead of complaining, I wash dishes and listen to their laughter and conversations from afar.
Kale wanders into the kitchen for a glass of milk, and just as I begin to have a small pity party for myself, I feel his arms hug me from behind. I sigh as I hold his hands in place around my waist and remind myself that I am not the one who has anything to prove—except maybe to myself.
Ten years earlier
I WATCH GWEN pace back and forth in the hall outside my room. Her long blond hair is tied into a ponytail, and it’s bobbing up and down as she stomps past my door. She’s been with me for the last five hours, and I know exactly what she’s trying to do in secret. She’s not very good at hiding her emotions, and right now, I actually think it’s possible she’s angrier than I am.
The pain comes and goes with intensity, although it never ends. I thought contractions were supposed to ease off, but for me they consistently feel like the worst gas pains I’ve ever had in my life. They started at eight this morning while I was in lab. I texted Mike the minute I started to feel sick. An hour later he texted back that it was probably something I ate that didn’t agree with me. I figured he was right since I wasn’t due for another three weeks and I knew most pregnancies usually went later than expected.
I struggled through the two-hour class and met Gwen in the hall. After countless questions and several freak-outs between us, she convinced me to get checked out. She evendrove me to the doctor herself. It turned out I was in early labor and probably wouldn’t deliver for hours. But, since my blood pressure was so high, they decided to admit me right away to monitor both the baby and me.
I can hear her in the hall.
“Where the fuck are you? Do you know how many phone calls we’ve made to you between the two of us? Your wife is in labor, you piece of crap. Get your ass over here or so help me God I’ll come find you myself.”
She races back in with a forced smile on her contorted face, and even though I seriously think I may die from the pain, I can’t help but laugh at her expression. “What were you doing?” As if I didn’t know.
“Just checking my messages,” she lies, trying not to upset me.
“I heard you,” I say as I cringe with a sharp pain under what used to be my belly button.
She grabs my hand and I see her scowl. “That mother-fucking piece of shit! I may kill him before he sees this child.”
I don’t want to laugh, I want to cry from the pain, but her angry face always makes me smile. Of course, that’s only true when her anger isn’t directed at me.
Trying to convince her but mostly myself, I respond, “I’m sure he’s on his way.”
“His fingers better be broken and his ear dangling from a thread. There’s no reason for him not to call you back or text after this long.”
“Call who back?” Grandma Kay asks as she rounds the corner into my room with two big teddy bears—one pink and one blue.
She leans down and kisses my head. The fur from thepink bear rubs against my arm and makes me cringe along with her kiss. Even though both are soft, I really don’t want to be touched at all. I swear everything hurts.
“Why did you get one of each?” Gwen asks. Her head darts to mine. “You’re not having twins, are you?” she shrieks.
“God n— Gosh no,” I correct myself.
“I like to be prepared,” Grandma Kay interjects. “Since we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, I’ll just take the loser back to the store.” I watch Gwen hug her and then take the bears, placing them on the ledge by the window. Grandma Kay sits on the corner of the bed.
“So, where’s Mike?” she asks, her head twisting and turning to examine the room.
“He’s not here,” Gwen interjects.
“Not here? Did you call him?” Grandma asks.
“Oh, she called him all right. I called him too and texted him, and called him again and left him a few choice messages.”
Grandma Kay twitches her nose and fiddles with her watch, saying nothing in response. I can tell she wants to but seems to think better of it.
“Let’s talk names,” she says instead. “Have you picked them yet?”
“Yeah, Ev. Let’s talk names. I’m dying to hear what my godchild’s name will be.”
The pain is making me uncomfortable, and I twist and turn, trying to find a position to make it stop. Nothing works. I finally sit up and Gwen helps to adjust my pillows.
