Page 16 of Enough
“Gwenny, did Everly ever tell you where she gothername?”
“No, she didn’t.” Gwen flops down on the bed with a grinand I shoot her an evil glare, which goes unappreciated. Apparently neither one of them notices my frustration with their proximity to my skin. It’s then I realize proximity hurts too. They continue their conversation, oblivious to me.
“Well, my son’s name was Everett. When he met Everly’s mom, he just knew. I remember the day he first spoke to her. He was fifteen years old. He came running in the front door all out of breath. I asked him why his face was all red and why he wore a smile that looked like he was posing for a dental commercial. He told me, ‘Ma, I just met the girl I’m gonna marry.’ And I’ll be dammed if he didn’t do just that.”
I smile briefly for the distraction, and although I love hearing stories about my parents, I secretly wish they would focus on the girl in bed who’s about to become one.
“Wait, so she’s named after her dad?” Gwen asks.
“There’s more,” Grandma Kay says as she swats the invisible air. “So Everly’s momma’s name was Leena Ray. Prettiest little thing I ever saw next to Everly. When they found out they were havin’ a baby… Oh my! You’d a thought they’d just won the lottery. They couldn’t wait to find out if she was a boy or a girl, and her daddy was just thrilled to pieces to find out he was having a little Leena. So Leena wanted to name her Eve after Everett and Everett wanted to name her Leah after Leena. They decided to meet in the middle, and Everly it was!”
“Aww, that’s so sweet. Ev, how come you never told me that?”
They both turn toward me, and the last thing I remember seeing is panic and horror on their faces.
THE PAIN IS intense as my eyes flicker open. I’m being wheeled into another room and the lights are bright and blinding. I’m scared, and I try to speak, but there’s a mask over my mouth. My hands reach out for something to grab, and that’s when I see Mike’s face. He’s here. He made it.
“It’s okay, Everly. You’re going to be just fine,” he whispers. He doesn’t appear confident in that statement.
A blue sheet is lifted to separate my body in half, and I recognize I’m having a cesarean, but I don’t know why. The fear grips me as if I were on a roller coaster ride, holding on for dear life, the dear life of my baby. I let go of Mike’s hand and raise the mask from my mouth. “What’s wrong? Is the baby okay? Is it okay?”
Mike kisses my forehead and pulls my hair away from my face. “The baby’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine.”
Just as he says the words, I can feel pressure. It’s then that I realize I’m no longer in pain. I feel tugging and pulling, but no pain. How is that possible? “Is it out? Is it a boy or girl? Why don’t I hear anything? Oh God, please! Why don’t I hear her?”
The nurse leans down and looks me in the eyes. “Everly, you need to stay calm. You don’t hear her crying because they haven’t gotten her out yet. Her heartbeat is strong, but it’s important that you try to relax and take deep breaths, okay?”
I nod my head, and she places the mask over my mouth once more. I feel Mike’s hand in mine and I clench on to him. He stares at me, and I can tell he’s doing his best to actunaffected. He leans in and kisses my forehead.
“Have I told you lately how much I love you two?” he asks. I see a single tear roll down his cheek, and I know he’s scared. I nod my head. I need to make him feel okay. I need him to know I won’t let anything be wrong. I’ve got this. I’m a London—I mean a Haley—and I’m strong.
I lift my mask. “Everything is going to be fine. I can feel it. Don’t worry, okay?”
It’s his turn to nod, and he smiles appreciatively. I remember how hard it is for him to be level headed when things are tough. I’m the strong one. I need to be strong enough for all three of us. I close my eyes and offer a prayer.I’ll give anything if you just let her be healthy and safe.
I hear a loud wail and my eyes dart open. The doctor holds the baby up so I can see. “It’s a boy!”
Mike and I laugh, although our laughter sounds more like sobs. A boy. We have a son. I’m instantly relieved and thankful. I had faith he was going to be okay, and I was right. We were both strong. “Kale…” I say as I lift my mask. “His name is Kale. It sounds like Kay, and it means faithful in Hebrew and strong in Hawaiian.”
Mike stares at me and smiles. “Anything you want. Anything…”
MY STOMACH FEELS like shit. I have staples running the length of what used to be my bikini line and a newborn baby. How do women do this? I was in the hospital for a week to monitor both Kale and me, and we were both doing well. I hadpreeclampsia, and I guess I passed out while Gwen and Grandma Kay were talking. Grandma Kay decided to move into the hospital while I was there. She was a lifesaver. Her encouragement and baby instructions were invaluable.
I never knew I could feel so many emotions all at once. The minute they laid him in my arms, I was deeply in love. I’d never known love like this before. I felt a combination of fear, awe, and heart-constricting joy. He was perfect and six pounds, seven ounces of cuteness.
I dreaded going to Mike’s parents’, but they have actually been extremely supportive and kind. Mike’s mom has really helped me a lot these first few weeks. Not only have I gone through some of the most insane night sweats, but I’ve had a ton of irrational fears of Kale being hurt. Mike’s mom thinks it’s hormonal. It makes me feel a small semblance of relief to know I’m not losing my mind.
I miss my mom more than ever. I dream of her and my father holding Kale. My dad would have adored him. Even though we never had much money, my parents made up for a lack of things with incredible amounts of love. There’s something about having a baby that makes a girl want her mother. I’m so scared. I know Mike knows nothing about babies, so I feel completely responsible for Kale.
Mike is really good about getting up to help with him but when finals come around, he disappears. I know he’s stressed, and I secretly wish I could take my finals too, but my instructors have given me extra time. If I don’t take them, the whole semester will have been wasted. I fully intend on going back at some point. We both still have a year left of college, but only Mike will be finishing school right now. I will be caring for the new love of my existence. I don’t regret the decision as Ihold him. I couldn’t have left him anyway. I’m addicted to his smell and the way he wrinkles his nose while he’s sleeping. Life will work itself out. I just know it.
“OKAY, KALE, TIME to get in the shower. School tomorrow.” Kale shoots me a look of fear, and somehow I know the night is about to take a turn for the worse.
“What?” I ask with concern.
“I forgot I have math homework.”
“Kale!” I feel the blood begin to boil under my skin. He enjoyed his Sunday with his dad, but I asked him repeatedly if he was certain he didn’t have homework. Now it’s 8:15 and he suddenly remembers right before bed? “How many times did I ask you about homework today? How many?” My hands fly to my hips and my voice rises both an octave and a few decibels.
