Page 31 of Enough
“I want another chance. I want my baby!”
Gwen leans down and holds me once again. She stays with me until I cry myself out. Until I’m gasping lightly and my face is soaking wet. She leaves briefly and comes back with five boxes of tissues. My lip curls upward slightly when she dumps them around me. I know she’s trying to be strong for me, but she can’t hide her red nose. I know she’s been crying too.
I hear her before I see her. She’s talking to the nurses outside my room and asking where I am. I try my best to pull myself together, but there isn’t enough time.
She rounds the corner into my room and stops in the doorway. Her lips press together into a fine line, and I can see a slight tremble in her jaw. I lose it again, and she rushes over to me. I sit up and she takes me in her arms. I bury myself in her embrace. She doesn’t say a word and she doesn’t need to.
We stay like that until I push away. Grandma Kay never pulls out of a hug first. It’s her thing. She wipes my eyes with her thumbs and lifts my head to look me in the eyes. “God doesn’t make mistakes. That baby was a gift while she washere, and we will always love her and remember her. Your mommy and daddy will take care of her for you. Don’t you worry your pretty little head, songbird. That baby is in your momma’s arms, and she’ll hold her until the day you come to get her yourself. Now that’s a long, long time away, and you have two other little angels who love you and need you here now. You need to remember that, okay? There are still a lot of blessings in your life. Understand?”
I nod yes as she wipes the tears away and holds a tissue to my nose. “Now blow.”
I try my best to appease her with a tiny puff.
“Oh, come on. I can hear all the snot in there. Blow it like you mean it!”
I blow hard and she and Gwen both chuckle through their restrained tears. I manage a small smile as I hold another tissue to my nose and take care of the rest myself.
Grandma Kay reaches out her hand to Gwen, and she joins us on the bed. “We both love you, Ev. Don’t you doubt that for a single second. We’re here for you. Always.”
I nod my head at them and realize how fortunate I am to have such strong women in my life. I need to pull myself together, if not for the kids, then in honor of my precious baby girl. Even though I only knew she existed for a few hours, she changed everything. I will feel the loss of her presence forever.
I see Grandma Kay and Gwen exchange glances, and I know something’s wrong.
“What?” I ask as I wipe my nose.
“Nothing,” Gwen responds, shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders.
If I didn’t know her any better, I’d believe her. But they are communicating with their eyes. They know something.
“What?” I ask again more forcibly.
“Nothing, songbird. Now you just focus on you for now. Gwen and I have everything covered.”
I glance back and forth between them, and I realize they know more than they’re letting on. I close my eyes and sigh. “Did you talk to Mike?”
They glare at each other for a moment and Gwen stands, strutting toward the door, her shoulders slowly lifting as she moves. I can see she’s fisting a wad of tissues in her hand. Grandma Kay twists her watch on her wrist and wrinkles her nose.
“Just tell me,” I command.
“I called him.” Gwen turns and speaks with hesitation. “I didn’t know what happened until after I told him. He said you had a fight. I’m sorry, but he should be here any min—”
Before she can finish her sentence, Mike ambles through the door. My stomach twists and turns. He’s the last person I want to see right now or ever.
I bare my teeth as my sadness turns to unbridled rage. “Get out!” I scream. “Get out of my room! You don’t deserve to be here. To act like you care about her or about me. Get out!” I howl through my returning sobs. Two nurses rush into my room, and Mike stands stiff as a board with his eyes glued open in shock at my outburst. The nurses order him to leave as I continue to shout at him and cry. “I hate you, Mike Haley! I hate you!”
Grandma Kay rushes over to me and grabs my hands in hers. “Look at me!” she demands. “Did that man touch you? Did he hurt you?”
I take a deep breath and attempt to calm myself. He’s gone, but his lingering presence still makes me ill. “No,” Imanage, but the ferocity of my hate for him causes my voice to shake with returning anger. “He didn’tphysicallyhurt me. He just let me know that his parents forced him to marry me, that he pity-fucked me, and that he didn’t want me or the baby!”
Gwen leaps to her feet and charges the door. “Gwen!” I yell. But it’s too late. She’s gone.
“Let her do what she needs to do,” Grandma Kay comforts as she pats my hand.
I feel my muscles tense as I fall back onto the bed. My stomach has an empty ache, and I feel her loss invade my senses once more.
I’D LIKE TO think I was certain when I married him. Certain he was “the one.” Certain we would always be in love like we were in the beginning. I first met him at an off-campus college party. Gwen and I had just finished a major research paper and we needed a night out. I remember when he bumped into me. He feigned surprise and I rolled my eyes. He smiled when he knew I wasn’t the kind of girl who bought into pick-up lines and pretenders. I brushed him off immediately, and he actively pursued me throughout the night. He was okay, different from the type of guy I was usually attracted to. I always went for the tall, dark, and handsome type, like Nick. Mike was just a little taller than me, blond, and cute. He wasn’t normal for me, but I convinced myself different didn’t always mean bad.
I have to admit I admired his tenacity. I even told him to fuck off at one point. He seemed even more attracted to me after I appeared unattainable. He kept asking me questions. I had nothing better to do, so I talked to him. Before the end of the night, he knew my major, what dorm I lived in, and had even introduced himself to Gwen. She wasn’t impressed. I’m pretty sure she met Alex at that party. In hindsight, we shouldhave stayed home and eaten cupcakes. Maybe things would have been different. But then I wouldn’t have Kale or Marlow, and I love them with all my heart.
