Page 51 of Enough
I decide to go for a quick run on the treadmill. I play all of my favorite motivational songs. My new favorite is “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten. My cool-down song will always remain “Try” by Colbie Caillat. It’s like that woman gets in my head and says exactly what I need to hear.
I push extra hard tonight. I’m sweating from head to toe, but it feels good. I take a long hot shower and pile my wet hair on top of my head. I grab a bag of carrots and sit down in front of my books, attempting to focus on my notes. I’m doubling up on my classes. It’s a lot of work, but I’m determined to complete my degree as soon as possible.
The slamming of the garage door jolts me out of my book. “Hey, how’d it go?” I ask excitedly.
I hear her scream, and I burst from my seat in a panic. “Gwen? What’s wrong?”
She wipes her eyes and huffs out a long, frustrated breath. She stammers to the refrigerator and removes a bottle of water. She silently wanders into the family room and falls into the couch.
“Are you okay?” I question as I curl up next to her.
She shakes her head no.
“Did he touch you?” I ask in a panic.
“God no!” she shouts. “You know I can take care of myself.”
We sit in silence for what seems like forever. I glance over to her and lean my head on her shoulder. “Just tell me what I can do.”
“Nothing. There’s nothing anyone can do.” She sniffs.
I gaze into her eyes and try to understand, but she hasn’t told me anything. I can see that she’s holding back tears. She’s trying so hard to be strong. Gwen has a tough shell, and most people don’t realize how much she takes things to heart and how sometimes people really hurt her. She wears a smile so often that most people don’t know that her constant smile is used to mask her inner sadness.
“Tell me,” I encourage. “It’s me, Gwen. You’ve seen me at my absolute worst. Please let me be there for you when you need me, for once.”
She sighs heavily. “I know you’re here for me. I’m just frustrated. I’m not cut out for this crap. I honestly think there are no decent guys left in the world.”
“I want to understand, but I’m confused. Can you tell me what happened?”
Gwen brings her hand to her forehead, and her shouldersdrop. “He was a douche. Totally misrepresented himself to me. He seriously thought we’d just have a drink and then he’d take me home. When I told him I wasn’t that kind of girl, he was done. Seriously, is that all guys want nowadays?
I turn my body to face her. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.” I reach out to her and she stands in frustration.
“I’m done with this dating bullshit. Men suck and there isn’t anyone out there who doesn’t have an agenda. I’m tired of being the dumbass who always tries to believe the best in people.”
I gently pull her back toward the couch. She sits and sips her water. When she seems to calm down, I tell her my thoughts on the matter. “You’re a giver, Gwen. And yes, some people are shit, but some people are worth taking a chance on. You just need to find the right person. Your smile lights up a room the minute you enter it. You have a light about you. It’s precious and warm. I don’t want you to let some idiot take that away.”
She leans away from me as her body goes rigid. “Don’t you get it?” she asks. “It’s like I have ‘gullible’ written on my forehead. We talked online for a week and then on the phone. I believed him when he said he wanted to get to know me. I liked him. He seemed like a good guy. Boy was I wrong. I always give my all and it gets me nowhere. It’s time I face the fact that I’m going to be alone. I’m just not capable of doing this anymore. I give up.”
I feel and see the warmth leave her eyes, and I wish Grandma Kay were here. She would know the right thing to say.
“Please tell me you’re not working tomorrow.”
“No, why?” she asks.
“I promised Kay I’d visit tomorrow. Will you come with me?”
She eyes me suspiciously. “I know what you’re trying to do, Ev. I don’t need to paint a fucking door.”
“I know you don’t, but maybe I do. Every time I’ve been over there since the divorce, I’ve avoided the idea of it. Maybe it’s time I finally painted that door and let it all go. Plus, it’ll be good to get out of this house, and I know Kay is better with words than I am. I want you to talk to her. I bet she can help.”
“I don’t need help. I know what my problem is. I just told you. The people who hurt me are always the ones I let hurt me. The ones I believe in. The solution to my problem is to stay away from everyone. I’ll go to work and do my job, but I’ll never try again. I’m done. I’m just done.”
I want to reason with her, but I know how she gets when she makes up her mind about something. She’s so stubborn. It’s one of the things I love about her, but it’s also one of the things that frustrate me the most. I just wish I could make her see what I see. There has to be someone out there who deserves her. I wish I could be the one to change her mind. But it’s going to take time and an unselfish heart to make her trust again and to show her she’s enough.
WE BOTH ONLY slept a few hours, but we wanted to get an early start so we could take Kay to lunch. Gwen is fairly quiet as I drive to my grandmother’s house, and even though she seemed reluctant to come with me, I know it will make her feel better to get away for the day.
I called Kay before we left and filled her in on what happened so Gwen wouldn’t have to explain her mood. As we head toward the red front door, I see Kay in the window. She opens it before we get there.
