Page 53 of Enough
“Hi, doll face! Where’s my hug?”
The little girl drops her chalk and throws her arms around Kay’s waist. Of course Kay doesn’t let go.
“Wanna draw with me?” she asks.
I’m surprised as hell when Kay sits down next to her and starts to color. Gwen and I stand nearby, bewildered.
“Hey, baby doll, these girls are my grandaughters, Everly and Gwen. Can they draw too?”
“Yep!” She smiles and runs to take Gwen and me by the hands. We can’t say no, so we spend the next hour drawing flowers and clouds and whatever else she asks us to. I see Gwen genuinely smile, and I can tell she’s out of her own head, even if it’s just for a bit.
After we wave goodbye, we decide to head back. Gwen and I sit on the front step while Kay runs inside to use the restroom. It’s a gorgeous day, and it makes me realize how fast summer is approaching.
“Hey…” Gwen states as she takes my hand and turns it over, inspecting it. “Your nails!”
I glance down at my hand and try to figure out what’s wrong with them. “What about them?”
“You actually have them.”
I eye her skeptically. I’m not following.
“I hadn’t noticed until now, but your nails are growing.”
She’s right. Somewhere along the last few weeks, I stopped chewing my nails and they started to take shape.
“You didn’t see it either, did you?”
“I really didn’t.” I don’t remember when or why I stopped chewing on them. I clearly remember the day I started, but at some point, I didn’t feel the need to bite them anymore.
Grandma Kay returns with the can of red paint and three brushes.
Gwen sighs.
“Now, I brought you a brush, Gwen, but you can sit andwatch if you want. I know Everly has been meaning to come over here and paint this door for a while. Her heart has needed some fixin’.”
“Hey, Kay. Look…” Gwen holds up my hand. “Ev has nails.”
Grandma Kay’s eyes pop and she takes my hand in hers. “You do! You have nails.”
I wonder to myself why it’s such a big deal to everyone, and then it hits me. I started chewing my nails the moment I first doubted myself. At some point I must have started to believe in me again, and my bad habit ended as suddenly as it started.
I smile at my grandmother and take the brush in my hand. As I dip into the red paint, I realize something’s different. I pause and stare at my brush as the paint drips back into the can.”
“What’s wrong?” Gwen asks.
I lift my head and glance back and forth between them. “It’s been a while now since I painted. I kept feeling drawn to coming over here and paint away my sadness, but classes, kids, and just stuff in general kept getting in my way. Now that I’m here and I’m ready to paint, I feel… I feel like I really don’t need to do it, I just want to. I’ve never felt that way before.”
Grandma Kay sets down her brush and smiles at me. The light of the sun shines from behind her and casts a glow around her. It reminds me of the time I came over to paint after I find out I was pregnant and thought I was going to be raising Kale alone.
“Well, finally.”
I hold my hand up to my eyes to try to see her past theglare of the sun. She sits down next to me and kisses my forehead.
“Finally what?” Gwen asks.
“This may come as I surprise to you, but this big ole red door… It isn’t magic.” She shrugs her shoulders and Gwen and I glance at each other and grin. She pauses and asks, “Do you know why I chose the color red?”
I shake my head.
