Page 84 of Enough
He smirks. “Not enough, Ever.”
“Exactly!” I say as I point in the direction of his words. I pause and stare at him. He doesn’t grasp my meaning, and I feel I’ve already said too much. “You know what? It’s late and I really think I should just go home.”
He sighs. “If that’s what you want.” He stands and waits for my next move.
When he says I can go, I wish he’d beg me to stay. Why am I so indecisive around him? Take me home, ask me to stay, come over for lunch, maybe later, call me, don’t call me… I’m a walking contradiction. I sigh at myself and stand from the corner of the bed. His hands reach into his pockets. I need to put an end to my self-created vicious cycle. I need to trust my instincts. What are they telling me?
I pause for a moment and reach deep down inside to listen to my gut. Instead of walking toward the door, I amble to thebed, drop my dress on the floor, and climb under the covers. He watches me in surprise.
His hand rubs the back of his neck, and he sighs as I turn on my side, lifting my hair onto his pillow. It smells just like him.
He makes his way into the bathroom, and after the flush of a toilet, a minute of running water, and a few moments of quiet, he leaves the bathroom and enters his closet. A few seconds later he appears bare chested with navy blue shorts. I try not to stare, but I can’t help myself. I don’t remember him having abs like that when we were dating. I blink a few times to make sure I’m not seeing things. He’s obviously spent some quality time working out. There’s a very intricate tattoo on his right shoulder that leads down his arm. That’s new too. I never thought I found tattoos very sexy until now. He turns out the light and starts to close the bedroom door.
“Nick?”
“Yeah?” He pauses by the door.
“What’s up with the tat?”
He huffs out a small laugh. “You don’t like it?”
“I didn’t say that. I just wondered where it came from.”
“I got it in Italy, actually. It was a on a whim.”
“There you go, being all worldly again.” I giggle playfully.
I can see his smile in the light from the hall. “Goodnight, Ever.”
“Nick?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t go away.”
He stills. “I don’t know what you’re asking me.”
I sit up and point to the other side of the bed.
“I’m still not clear.”
“Sleep here, with me. On your side. But just so I can look at you some more.”
He grins briefly before he struts into the hall and turns out the lights. Now it’s pitch black. I hear him, but I can’t see him. He flicks on the light from the closet and leaves the door slightly ajar. He treads toward the bed, pulls back the covers, and climbs in next to me. In the year we were together, we never actually slept in the same bed. This is different, but oddly right.
“So you want to look at me?” he asks with a wink.
“Yeah. You’re kinda hot.”
“Just kinda?”
I take a deep breath and start to reach out to touch him, but I pull back. I pause, and he stares into my eyes, searching for understanding. “When I asked you not to go away, I didn’t just mean tonight. Try to have some patience with me. If you think you can. If you think you might want to.”
He leans forward and plants a small, delicate kiss on my forehead. “I don’t just think I want to, I know I do.”
TWO HOURS LATER and I still haven’t slept. I’m going to take a nap before work tonight. I just can’t relax being in bed next to him. I remember that I forgot to set my alarm, so I tiptoe out into the hall and reach for my purse on the counter. I’m relieved to see a text from Kay letting me know all is well.
I set my alarm for six, two hours from now, just in case I happen to fall asleep next to my half-naked ex. I roll my eyesat the absurdity. I tiptoe back into Nick’s bedroom, hoping maybe I’ll be able to doze off like he did.
