Page 46 of His Curvy Happiness
I shrugged. “A few, I guess. I just haven’t stood up in a while.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
I waved her off and headed for the penis curtain to find the bathroom. A giant blue penis was on the men’s bathroom door, and a giant pink penis with an engagement ring was on the women’s bathroom door. I chuckled as I pushed the door open.
“Casey! I’m so happy you’re here. Are you having fun? I’m having fun.” Natalie was even drunker than I was. She threw her arms around me and nearly sent us both to the floor.
“Whoa,” I said, laughing with her as I caught us with a hand against the counter.
“Whoops. I’m sorry. I think I had a little too much to drink.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yep. I am having a lot of fun. I like seeing everyone and having us all together, you know? This is how life should be. Happy and fun and full of dicks.” She slapped a hand over her mouth. “One dick. I don’t want other dicks. Just Omar’s. Did I tell you about the time I fell and grabbed his dick? I was so embarrassed, but even soft, it was a nice dick.” She grinned at me. “I like his dick.”
I snorted. “That’s good since you’re going to be enjoying it for the rest of your life.”
“Oh, I will. I never liked dick that much. I mean, I never tried anything else, but I didn’t have a lot of boyfriends before Omar. He’s the best one ever. He likes me and all my crazy. He says I make him happy.”
“That’s a really important part of a marriage.”
“It is. Is that why your marriage didn’t last? I don’t want that to happen to me. Can you tell me what I should avoid?” Her eyes went wide like she was waiting for me to distill the greatest secret of all time.
I leaned in, the alcohol in my system making me giggle. “Avoid bad dicks.”
Natalie nodded, all serious. “Okay. I will. What else?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. My marriage didn’t last because we didn’t like each other that much. He never made me laugh. Landon makes me laugh. I want that in my next relationship. If I ever have another one. I tried flirting with my match, but he shut me down. I don’t think I’m ever going to have sex again.”
“You should take a giant penis home. Not to have sex with, but just so you have a penis with you. Ooh, maybe you should take some of the small ones, too. Then you can keep one in your bag and one in your bathroom. You can be surrounded by penises!”
“Um, what is going on in here?” Daisy asked, sounding far too sober for my drunk sensibilities.
“We’re talking about bad dicks and no sex,” Natalie said, like that explained everything.
“What does that mean?” Daisy asked.
“It means Casey is never having sex again because her husband had a bad dick.” Natalie looked at me and nodded.
Daisy slid me a look. “The movie is almost over. Do you want to finish watching it?”
“Yes! I love Magic Mike. Do you think I can get Omar to dance like that for me? He can be my stripper. I don’t want the waxed and greased guys rubbing all over me, but Omar would be nice to rub all over me. I think we should ask him…”
Natalie’s voice faded as Daisy led her out of the bathroom. The door slid closed behind them, and I remembered why I was in there.
I rushed to a stall and closed the door. I sat down and relaxed, letting my spinning brain settle again. When I stood, the bathroom door opened again. I flushed and opened the stall door to find Valentina and Goldie walking in.
“Hi!” I said to them.
“Hey. Are you drunk?” Goldie asked.
I nodded. “I am. I don’t have a lot of chances to drink anymore, and it hit me harder than I thought. Is it obvious?”
“Everyone is drunk. Except Haley, who’s nursing, and Daisy, who’s making sure everyone is okay. You have a ride home, right?” Valentina asked.
I nodded again, my head getting wobbly with the move. “Sofia and Daniel drove me here. I live in their building.”
“Good. I’m glad you were able to come. We both know how hard divorce can be, and life as a single mom. Are you okay?” Goldie asked.
