Page 45 of Wicked Temptations
Directly across from Ash.
Fuck my life.
Parker scheduled duo performers on the same breaks, but usually that meant one of us would bail to the parking lot and let the other have the staff room. It was an unspoken system and a clean division of territory that had been working for us so far. At least that was the case when we weren’t rutting against each other somewhere, trying not to smudge our stage makeup in the process.
The parking lot option sucked tonight. I’d been running late, so my car was shoved way at the back near the overflow section, practically in the next county. No way could I walk out there, sit, and still have time to eat anything before we were back on.
I could feel the weight of Ash’s stare. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t taken that bite of his protein bar, just watched me like he was waiting to see what I’d do; walk out and look like a coward, or sit down and deal with whatever the hell this was going to become.
I crossed the room and dropped into the chair across from Ash without a word.
His jaw worked. “Didn’t think you’d stay.”
I twisted the cap off my water bottle and took a long drink, stalling. “Why would I leave?”
“Because you usually do.”
He wasn’t wrong. I unwrapped my own protein bar, keeping my expression neutral. “I’m hungry.”
“So am I.” Ash leaned forward, elbows on the table, and it didn’t take a genius to know he didn’t mean for food. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
Here it comes.Whatever the hell this was going to be, I could see it building behind his eyes. He had that look, the one that meant he’d been thinking too much, building up to something that was going to wreck us both, and not in the amazing rough sex way.
“I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?”
His jaw twitched, his irritation showing. “We both know that’s not what I mean.”
I took another bite of my protein bar, chewing slowly. “Then say what you mean.”
“What are we doing?”
“Having a break.”
“Jude.” His voice dropped, got rougher. “You know what I’m asking.”
I did.Of course I fucking did.But admitting that meant admitting other things, things I’d sworn I wouldn’t let matter.
I glanced around the crowded room, at the chaos of performers and noise. “You want to do this here?”
I knew I was stalling. The truth was a heavy shackle around my heart, and it was something I refused to name because naming it would make it real, and making it real would give it power to destroy me.
We had great sex. Amazing sex. The kind that left bruises and bite marks, the kind that made me forget how badly every man in my life had fucked me up. Why would Ash want to risk that for something unknown?
Why would I?
If I let him in, if I admitted there was something more than just rough encounters in dark corners and breathless fights that turned into something else entirely, then I’d be setting myself up for the same kind of pain I’d sworn I’d never feel again.
I didn’t think I could handle that.
Thankfully, Ash’s expression shifted off me and to the clowns laughing to his left. His frustration bled into something that looked like resignation, and I tried not to show my own relief.
“You’re right. Not here.”
“I’m always right.” I grinned at him, falling back on the cocky-bastard side of me.
The surrounding conversations buzzed like static, and it was strange how I could feel so isolated within such a packed space. It was all Ash’s fault. If it had been Riley or even Simon sitting across from me, then I would have launched into a story outlining the perils of sliding on rain-slicked pavement. But no. It had to be Ash, and so it had to feel weird.
We were good at hate and revenge fucking each other, not talking.
