Page 54 of Wicked Temptations
My vision narrowed, uncertainty and fear tangling together until I couldn’t separate them. It formed an ugly rage in me and I let it bubble over.
I’d always been good at hurting people. I’d learned from some of the best.,
“Fine. You want to know what this is?” I grabbed his shirt, yanking him close enough that our noses almost touched. “This is me using you to get off. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. So if you’re looking for some romantic connection, you’re barking up the wrong fucking tree.”
Ash answered by fisting his hand into my hair, yanking my head back and to the side. I let him, gasping at the pain, but I didn’t back down. I knew what he was trying to do. He knew I fucking loved it when he grabbed me by the hair and shoved me down; he was trying to use that to subdue me now. Bring medown from anger using the chaotic thrill and pleasure I found when he took control.
Smart bastard.
“You’re terrified. That’s what this is, Jude. You’re scared that maybe this—that we—could be something good and you don’t know how to handle it.”
The accusation hit too close and I felt my defenses slam back up like steel doors. “I’m being realistic.”
“About what?”
“About us! There is no us, Ash. There’s you and there’s me and there’s what we do when we can’t help ourselves. That’s it.”
“So I’m just an impulse you can’t control.”
“Yeah.” The word came out flat and cold. “That’s exactly what you are.”
The lie tasted bitter but I forced it out anyway because if I didn’t make him stop, if I didn’t shut this down right now, he’d keep pushing. He’d keep digging until he found all the soft, rotted parts of me I kept hidden.
And I couldn’t let him see those.
“And you know what else?” I stepped closer, crowding him against the door. “You’re convenient. You’re here, you’re willing, and you can take it rough. That’s all you are to me.”
His fingers tightened in my hair, pulling harder. Pain bloomed across my scalp but I welcomed it. This was better than whatever gentleness he’d been trying to offer before. Pain I understood. Pain made sense.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” I grabbed his wrist, digging my nails in. “You’re nothing special, Ash. Just another warm body and a hard dick.”
I saw the exact moment something broke in him. The hope drained from his eyes, replaced by something harder. Colder. His jaw clenched and the muscles in his neck went taut.
Good. Better to end this now.
Better to make him hate me than let this become something that could destroy us both later. One day he’d look back on his moment and thank me for showing him reason and avoiding the mess that was me.
It was better to be the villain than the victim.
I’d learned that lesson the hard way.
Ash shoved me backward by my hair, releasing his grip so suddenly I stumbled. The force sent me sprawling against the shelves we’d just fucked against. A bottle of something clattered to the floor.
“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” His voice had gone quiet, dangerous. The kind of quiet that came before explosions. “You act like you’re so much better than everyone else. So above it all. But really? You’re just a coward.”
The word hit like a slap. My hands curled into fists at my sides. “Watch it.”
“Why? Afraid I’ll hit too close to home?” He crossed his arms over his chest, and I hated how steady he looked. How composed while I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. “You hide behind this whole ‘I don’t do feelings’ bullshit because you’re too scared to actually try.”
“I’m not scared of anything.”
“You’re terrified.” He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You’re so fucking terrified of getting hurt that you’d rather push everyone away first. Make them leave before they can figure out how damaged you really are.”
My breath caught. The words landed too close.
“Shut up.”
