Page 144 of The Chaos She Brings
Kai is here.
I’m not there.
My breath shudders as I cling to him, my fingers digging into his shirt like it’s the only thing tethering me to reality.
I can still feel it—Nikolai’s weightpinning me down, his breath against my skin, his laughter slicing through me like a blade. Even awake, the phantom of his touch lingers, twisting my stomach.
I squeeze my eyes shut.You’re not there. You’re here. You’re safe.
Kai’s hands are warm, grounding. One rubs slow circles over my back while the other cradles the back of my head, shielding me. “You’re safe, Hurricane,” he murmurs against my temple. “I’ve got you.”
A sob slips free before I can stop it.
I hate this.
I hate that even now, when I should feel safe, he’s still inside my head. I hate that I can still hear his voice, still feel his touch, still smell the blood.
Kai holds me tighter, letting me break apart in his arms.
Eventually, my breathing slows. The terror ebbs—not gone, not really, but dulled by the steady presence of the man who refuses to let me fall apart alone.
I pull back just enough to see his face. His expression is unreadable, but his jaw is clenched, his eyes dark. “I hate that he still has this hold over you,” he says quietly.
My throat tightens. “Me too.”
His fingers find my chin, tilting my face up until I have no choice but to meet his gaze. “I swear to you, Tess,” he murmurs, voice deadly soft, “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.”
A chill runs down my spine.
I know he means it.
I believe him.
But a part of me wonders if it’s already too late.
Because Nikolai might be dead.
But his ghost still lingers.
And I don’t know how to get rid of him.
In the morning Kai’s side of the bed is empty and immediately panic spikes in my chest.
Throwing off the covers I pull on one of his tops before padding out the door, my bare feet the only noise in the otherwise silent house.
I check his office first, but the lights are off. Moving downstairs I come up empty too.
Where the fuck is he?
My hands twitch nervously at my sides as the silence becomes deafening. I can’t do this. I need Kai. Need him to chase away my thoughts.
I start pacing, hoping that will help. (It doesn’t).
Flashes of memories hit me so hard I flinch.
Nikolai.
His friends.
