Page 26 of The Chaos She Brings
“Enzo!”
“I’ll call you when I know more.Ciao!5” The line goes dead before I can say another word.
Knowing I won’t hear from him again tonight, and with nothing else left to research, I finally head to bed.
The house is silent as I move from my office to my room, the kind of quiet that tells me that Tess is asleep. I slow down as I approach her door. She’s right behind it, probably sprawled out, her hair a mess, breathing softly. The urge to go in is suffocating, clawing at my resolve.
I want to see her smile when I manage to string together more than a few words. I want to feel the warmth of her skin and the way her cheeks flush after I kiss her.
But I can’t.
Tess is chaos. She’s a hurricane, spinning through my life and tearing apart the order I’ve worked so hard to create.
Ever since my dad killed my mum, I’ve needed control. Over everything. Over everyone. If I lose control, I’m back there, in that house, trapped in those moments.
The sound of her screaming still lingers in my mind, the way she’d hit me so hard I’d black out, or press a cigarette to my skin until I could smell my own flesh burning. She wasn’t always drunk, but it was worse when she was. My father didn’t protect me. He didn’t protect himself. He just let it happen. Until he didn’t.
No one knew how bad it was—not even Nate. I hid the scars, the bruises, the shame. I was a boy being beaten by a woman, and that made me feel weak. Worthless.
I know better now. I was just a kid, too scrawny to fight back. That’s why I worked so hard to get bigger, to feel like I could protect myself. And it worked, mostly. I don’t think about her anymore. Or him.
It’s easier that way.
But Tess… she’s making me think about everything I’ve been running from. My home doesn’t feel like my own anymore. My sanctuary is gone, replaced by her chaos, her laughter, her reckless need to turn my world upside down.
And the worst part? I don’t think I want it back.
8
Who The Hell Is That?
Kai to Tess: If you flirt with one more fucking person I will spank your ass so hard. [unsent]
Tess
Kaiisavoidingme.I know it. He knows it. And yet, here we are, pretending like it’s not happening.
He said he regrets kissing me. And yeah, that stung. But I’m not about to dwell on it. If he wants to avoid me and never kiss me again, that’s fine. Totally.Fine.
Carina has been texting non-stop, checking in and making sure I’m okay. I told her about the break-in and let her know that I’m staying at Kai’s again. I haven’t told her about the kiss. She offered to let me stay at hers, but for some masochistic reason Idon’t want to leave.
It’s been two days, though, and Kai has spent most of that time holed up in his office doing God knows what. He clearly has a routine that he doesn’t like to deviate from. I hear him get up at an ungodly hour (always the same time every day) and leave the house for sixty minutes—no more, no less. I usually see him at lunch—he’s eaten the same thing both days, I’m not sure if that’s intentional or coincidence. Something tells me he’s not a coincidence guy.
Then, at dinner he eats with me, though not really acknowledging me, before he hurries back to his man cave.
I don’t understand how he doesn’t get bored of constantly doing the same thing every day.
Me? I need some variety.
I should be back at work by now, but after the break-in, I needed a couple of days to recalibrate.
Unfortunately, I can’t put it off any longer.
Kai hasn’t said more than two words to me since the whole “kissing you was a mistake” bombshell, but I can’t leave the house without telling him. Logically, I tell myself it’s because I’ll need him to let me in later. Deep down, I know it’s because I want an excuse to see his stupid, gorgeous face.
Which is why I’m currently standing outside his office door, overthinking how to knock. Because apparently, that’s where my life is now.
Soft knock? Like a gentle whisper?
