Page 69 of For a Goode Time Call…
“Yeah? Well…I think you’re…you’re scared me. I think you want things with me that scare you shitless. So you held back, not out of fear of me or hurting me, but because the things you want and how bad you want them scares you. But you’ve been hurt and you don’t trust me to be there and to accept who you are, what you are, what you want.”
“Yeah, I’m fucking scared!” he yelled, a shocking loudness in the small space, more shocking yet because it was coming from him. “No one has ever wanted me! My own parents couldn’t fuckin’ handle me! My school, my team, the woman I fuckin’ loved, nobody can fuckin’ handle me. And yeah, I want shit with you that I don’t know how to fuckin’ deal with. It’s too damn much, Cass.” He seemed to swell, to take up more space than he usually did. Became bigger, louder,more. “You wanna knowmytruth, Little Sparrow?”
I was not afraid of him. Despite his size, despite the increase in his massive presence, despite the way he prowled toward me, I was not afraid. I was excited. Thrilled. “Yes, Ink. I do.”
“My truth is, I held back with you because I was scared I’d rip you in fuckin’ two. I wanted to fuck you so hard you’d just…break into pieces. I wanted to fuck you so damned hard you’d feel it in every goddamn bone in your body.” His voice was a feral threatening snarl that shivered into my center. “I wanted to fuck you in every position there is, a hundred times. I wanted to fuck your mouth and fuck your pussy. I wanted to watch you go down on me until you choked on my cum.”
I shook all over at his words.
“I want to hold both of your hands in one of mine and pin you down so you can’t get away and fuck you until you scream.” His eyesburned. “I want it so bad I’m fuckin’ crazy with it. I wake up hard as a damned rock needing to fuck you so bad. I want you till I’m…till I’m fuckin’ crazy. And that scares me shitless. How bad I want you. ThethingsI want. The way I want them. I’m not a violent person. Not a demanding or aggressive person. But you? You make me something else, woman. Youdothings to me just by bein’ you.”
“Holy shit, Ink.”
“And you know what scares me even more?”
“What?” I whispered.
“When I say I want tofuckyou,” he hissed the word, drew it out, emphasized every letter, every sound, “I mean makelove. In the deepest, truest, rawest sense of the phrase.”
“Ink…”
“That’swhat scares me, Little Sparrow.”
“What if I told you I’m just as scared?” I slid closer to him. “That I’m just as scared because I want that same thing, those same things, just as much?”
“I believe you,” he whispered.
Silence. Tense, tight, boiling with unspoken ideas and thoughts and words and emotions.
“So, now what?” I asked.
“Now you tell me what your future looks like.”
Totally unexpected. So unexpected I blinked in the darkness, mouth flapping open and closed. “I—I—what?”
“What do you want, Cassandra?” He took my hand. Held it. Squeezed hard. “Not about me, or us. For you. What doyouwant? Who are you? Who are you, now? What are you going to do?”
“What does that…” I swallowed a hot thick burning lump in my throat, only to have it lodge in my chest. “What does that have to do with us?”
“Fuckin’everything, Cass. Everything.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Think about it, boo.” He traced the pad of a fingertip over my knee, on the skin that showed through the rip in my jeans.
“I am, but I don’t understand what me figuring out my life has to do with you and me wanting each other.”
“I ain’t a hump-and-dumper, Cass. I don’t do temporary. Don’t do casual. Don’t do hookups.”
“I…I mean, I have, but that’s not what I want with you.” I hurt. God, this hurt, so fucking bad. “I want…more. What, I don’t know. But more.”
“Me too. I want everything.”
“Okay, so I don’t get the issue.” I blinked back tears. “You want to be with me, I want to be with you. So maybe I still have some shit to work out. I will. Iam.”
“You are?”
“Yeah.” Uncomfortable.
