Page 28 of For a Goode Time Call…
I laughed. “You really care?”
“I mean, yeah? Sort of. I guess I thought it was pretty good between us.”
“Of course you would, you selfish ballsack! You got off, every time. I did everything I could to make sureyoualways felt good, that you knew Iwantedyou, that Iappreciatedyou, that I was attracted to you. I did thingsfor you. So yeah, you wouldn’t think it was bad, because I went out of my way to make itgoodfor you.”
He was stunned silent by that. “I…”
“There’s nothing to say.” I dragged my hand through my hair. “I was just an idiot, and wasted four years with you. And now I’m fucked up in the head and heart because of you. And you know what? I’m not accepting all the blame for it, Rick. I’m not. I should have seen it sooner, yeah. I should’ve known that sexual things aside, you just weren’t thinking about me, didn’t really care about me. But you were lying. And that’s what fucking kills me. If you’d been honest, I probably would have been okay giving you space to figure things out. Instead, you played a game. You pretended. You lied. You cheated. And that puts the blame squarely onyou.” I sighed, bitter. “I just wish that helped me feel better about myself. But it doesn’t, and that’s not your problem. Not that it ever was, clearly.”
“That’s not fair, I was—”
I cut him off. “Rick, I don’t give a shit. Just be honest.”
“Easy for you to say—”
“Iamhonest. You want the honest truth? I’m a fucking mess. From the accident, from losing dance, from the way you dumped me, and now from realizing I was dating a fucking selfish piece of shit liar, that I wasted all that time and energy thinking I loved you, thinking you loved me. And I just wonder if I have any fucking clue what love is—you know? Like, I don’t know, and I wonder now if I ever did.” I growled. “But none of that is your problem.” My dryer buzzed. “I have to go. Thank you for answering my question. Best of luck to you.”
A pause, and Rick stammered a few times. Paused again. Started over. “I am sorry, Cassie. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest, and I’m sorry I hurt you. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“You too, Rick.”
I ended the call with Rick, and waited for Charlie to speak.
“Wow,” she said, eventually. “That was…” A laugh. “That was awesome.”
“It sucked.”
“Yeah, of course. But now you know, you have the closure, and you can move on.” A groan. “I just wish you’d waited, like, a couple more hours. I was going to actually sleep in today.”
“You haven’t slept in on a Saturday your whole life.”
“I quit my job. I was going to try something new. Being a slacker sounds fun.”
I laughed. “You couldn’t be a slacker if you tried. You’d overachieve being a slacker. You’d plan out your day, like, Saturday, sleep in till eleven—check. Eat like shit, check. Watch garbage TV for an hour, check. Half ass a walk on the treadmill in my rich boyfriend’s swanky apartment building’s fancy gym—check.”
She sighed. “I broke up with Glen because he was sleeping with my boss, and the apartment was ours, not his, and I don’t live there anymore because I quit my job and left Glen and I have no real friends because they’re all Glen’s friends, it turns out. So I’m living in a hotel in a kind of seedy part of Boston, and I’ve been drunk at eleven a.m. more times in the last month than I care to admit.”
“Wow, Charlie, I had no idea.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve been busy with your own life-altering crises.”
“Glen, your super hot, super macho, super successful boyfriend…was sleeping with your boss? Your past middle-age, overweight, and just objectively not attractive boss? The one with a husband of twenty-five years, three kids, and two grandkids?”
“Yes. That boyfriend, and that boss.”
“Wow. I…” I was at a loss. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Thus my current lifestyle of being a slacker, living off my savings, and day-drinking alone.”
“Char-char—you’re not that girl. You don’t have pity parties. You don’t slack off. You don’t even night drink, let alone day drink.”
“Yeah, well. I guess I’m having a moment.”
“Does Mom know?”
“Of course.”
I started taking my clean clothes out of the dryer and folding them, putting the phone on speaker and setting it on top of the front-load dryer. “What are you going to do?”
