Page 45 of For a Goode Time Call…
“Ink—”
“There ain’t’ no excuse for what I done.” He swallowed. “I just lost control, and I hurt her.”
“You didn’t—you couldn’t have known. She never told you to stop or to be a little more gentle. She told you to not hold back.”
“She told me she knew I wouldn’t hurt her, so don’t worry.”
“And then you hurt her, and she…” I shrugged. “Reacted unkindly.”
“Reacted like anyone would being hurt by their sexual partner.”
“No.” I touched his jaw. “No, Ink. I’ve had partners get a little too rough before, and it’s a matter of just asking him to be a little more gentle. And really, the guys who have done that were selfish assholes to begin with, and not thinking of me in the first place.” I held his eyes, but he didn’t want to look at me. “Ink, look at me. Listen. If a woman is excited, if she’s really enjoying it, if her body is ready, she can take…well, a lot more than you might think.”
“You weren’t there—”
“Obviously not. But you want to know what I think?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
“I think she got scared. I think you’re more than she was expecting. Physically, and just who you are. I think when you really let go, like she thought she wanted, it was scary for her. She wasn’t ready for it. Didn’t know what she was asking for. I think she faked how bad she was hurt to make it your fault so she wouldn’t have to feel bad.”
He tilted his head to one side. “Maybe.”
“Think about it.”
“I am.” He nodded. “I was…loud. Wild. I mean, I wasn’t…uh. I wasn’t, like, pounding super hard. You know? Like, I wasn’t so lost in things that I wasn’t aware of how much force I was using.”
“You would never hurt anyone. Even letting go, you wouldn’t.”
His eyes flicked to mine. “You think so?”
“I know so. Down to my bones.”
“You barely know me.”
“I know you better than you think.” I swallowed. “We may not have known each other a long time, Ink, but the time we’ve spent together has been…intense. Personal. Real. Quality counts for as much as length of time, if you ask me.”
“I hurt her, Cass. No way around it.”
I shook my head. “I think she twisted things to hurt you because she was scared. And then she ghosted because she was ashamed.”
“Cass—”
“No. I don’t buy it.”
“I’m telling you the truth.”
I moved up so my face was closer to his. “I know you are, Ink. I’m not questioningyou, I’m questioning her.” I rested my head on his chest. “So after she left, you…what?”
He sighed. Stared up at the sky again. “Shut down. I was so upset, so angry at myself, so ashamed, so…rejected, in a way, that I just…shut down. Put the part of me that had anything to do with women, with sex, dating, all of it, put it all in a box, locked it up inside me, and never opened it again.”
“Oh, Ink.” My cracked heart broke for him. “Ever since?”
He nodded. “Couldn’t handle the thought of hurting anyone else. And the way she left, it was rejection. Worse than Elizabeth Grace. Compounded on it. She had told me she wanted everything I had to give, and all I ended up doing was hurting her so bad she left most of her belongings behind. How do you come back from that? After everything else I had been through in life, that was the last straw. I shut it down. Focused on tats.”
“You never dated again? Never did anything with anyone again?”
He shook his head.
