Page 118 of Into The Light
His eyes open and meet mine. "Noelle, last night was…" he sighs, shaking his head. "I don’t have words for how fucking…god, I don’t know. Mind-blowing it was."
"I couldn't agree more." I kiss his chin. "And I can't wait to do it again—see if it's just as good the second time around." I wrinkle my nose. "I might need a minute to recover, though. I’m a little sore." When his mouth opens and his brow furrows with frown lines, I shut him up with a kiss. "Nope. Don't even say it. I feel amazing. Incredible. I feel loved. Wanted. Desired. You made me yours in the most incredible way possible."
He closes his eyes again, absorbing and processing what I've told him. "I still can't quite believe…well, any of it. That you love me. That you want me. That you let me touch you, kiss you, make love to you. Especially how you were last night." His head shakes, a soft laugh huffing from his lips. "Fuckin' wild woman."
I blush hard, burying my face in his chest. "I'm actually a little embarrassed. I just…I don't know. I went a little nuts."
His finger tips my chin, so I have to look at him; I give my eyes and see nothing but that love, as enormous as he is, and that desire, as deep as the ocean. "That was the hottest fucking thing ever, Noelle. Donotbe embarrassed. Be proud. Ilovedit. I fucking loved how you shoved me around. Took what you wanted. Demanded everything I had and still wanted more." He shakes his head, awe blazing in his eyes. "Fuck, honey. You showed me a whole new world."
I dissolve into laughter, somewhat hysterical. When it fades, I can only kiss him. "I don't even know why I'm laughing. I guess I'm just so damn happy I can't help it. You made me comesohard,somany times. If it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’tbelieve it was possible. I lost count, baby. That’s how good it was.” I bite my lip with a grin. "How goodyouwere."
"God, I love you," he whispers.
"Love you more," I whisper back.
His lips find mine, and then we just kiss for a while—not to lead anywhere, just for the sake of sharing our joy. I know I have morning breath, and so does he, but I don’t care. I just can't get enough. I never will.
When we finally come up for air, He rolls me to my back and levers over me, his hair curtaining around my face. For a second or two, he just stares at me, memorizing or just appreciating—I don't know. I just love the way he looks at me.
But his expression slowly morphs into a troubled frown.
I rub the frown lines between his eyebrows. "Hey, what's this? A frown on the best morning of my life?"
He swallows hard. "I just realized something."
"Okay?"
"Last night. We didn't…" he winces, shakes his head, and then drops his face to my chest, words coming out muffled. "We didn't use protection. It never even occurred to me. I didn't ask if you were on birth control. I didn't—I just got…consumed in how bad I needed you, and…" he lifts his head, worry and fear and self-flagellation warring on his face. "I didn't take care of you like I should have. I'm so sorry, Noelle."
"C'mere." I pull him to me, cradling his face against my breasts.
He gives me some of his weight, and I cuddle him close, wrapping a thigh over the back of his, caressing him wherever I can reach. I stroke his hair, his shoulders, his back.
"Bear, baby, it's fine. It's okay." I kiss his forehead and then resume cuddling and caressing him. "I didn't stop to think of it either, and it'smybody. I should have too, but I didn't. So it's not all on you—it's not just your responsibility, it's mine, too.One could even argue that it's more my responsibility than yours to make sure my body is protected."
"But I—" he starts.
"Hush." I cover his lips. "It's okay because I've been on birth control since I was fifteen. It was a whole thing with my parents—they were against it, vehemently. At all, let alone for a fifteen-year-old. But my periods were absolutely brutal, so birth control was the only way to make them manageable. I don't miss it—I never have. I have an app that tracks my cycle and reminds me to take my birth control every day. Which is why I didn't think of it—I knew we were covered."
"Oh," he mumbles.
"And as far as diseases or whatever, that's not a concern either. Obviously, there's no way you have anything, right?"
"Celibate for eleven years, till now. So yeah."
"And I was only with one person, ever, and there wasn't anyone after him till you. So me either." I sigh. "After I found out that he was cheating on me, I went and got tested because who knows how many other church skanks he was screwing. So I do know for a fact that I’m clean. Okay? Do you feel better now?"
He nods against me. "Much. Thank you."
"Can we get back to being deliriously happy again?" I ask.
He laughs, a soft snort. “Yes, please."
"Good." I shiver with a frisson of pure joy and squeeze and shake him against me. "I love you so much it's crazy."
"Can I stay here like this forever?" he mumbles. "You holding me like this. It's…" he trails off, voice thick with emotion. "Stupid. Cryin' like a damn baby—again. Don't even know why."
"It's not stupid, Bear. Not at all. You trusting me with your tears means the whole world to me." I turn his face to mine and press kisses all over him, soft, slow, wet kisses to his cheeks, his wet eyes, his lips. "It’s not weak to cry, Bear. Not at all. Just theopposite. It’s showing me vulnerability, which requires strength and courage."
