Page 36 of Into The Light
"Why didn't you marry right after graduation?” he asks. “Why wait so long when you’d already been waiting for so long?”
I tip my head to one side. "That was him. I wanted to. He wanted to have our lives set up first. He wanted to be a pastor. He was studying to get his doctorate in divinity."
"Sounds like an excuse to me."
I sigh. "It was. I discovered he was having sexual relationships with three other women.”
Bear's face darkens with fury. "Piece of shit."
"He was, very much. A real piece of…poop." I laugh. "I'm lame—I just can't…I can't bring myself to curse, even now."
He shakes his head. "Don't. You don't need to." He polishes off the last of his meal and then eyes me. "What'd you do when you found out?”
"Cut him out of my life, left the church, moved out of my parent's house, and, um…sort of sent evidence of his wrongdoing to his pastor. Which, umm, sort of ruined his life."
Bear snorts. "Good. He around, still? I can cram his face down his neck for you."
I snicker and then turn serious. "No, he's long gone. I wouldn't want you to do that anyway. It's not worth what it would cost you." I look at him. "You would, though, wouldn't you?"
He nods. "In a heartbeat. Dunno how he could do that to someone as perfect as you."
My eyes water and sting—he threw that out so offhandedly. "Bear. I'm…I'm not perfect."
He looks panicked—it’d be comical if it wasn’t so sweet. “Don't cry, please. Jesus. But you are."
I duck my head and fight the tears back. "God, Bear. You're too darn sweet."
It takes a few minutes for me to regain my composure—no one has ever said things like that to me. Brennan told me he loved me, but now, in hindsight, I realize he only ever said it when he was pushing me toward sex, or afterward. He never complimented me. Never told me I was beautiful.
Gosh, why was I even with him for all that time? Fifteen years? I spent literallyhalf of my lifewith someone who I'm only now realizing was just an all-around piece of poo.
Piece of shit.
He was a piece of shit.
A liar. A cheater. A scumbag. Fake. Slimy. Horrible. Not even very nice. Was I attracted to him? Maybe, but only because I didn't know any better.
When I shake myself out of my thoughts, I find Bear watching me very closely.
"Lost you there for a minute," he murmurs.
"Sorry, I was just…thinking," I say.
"Care to share?"
I sigh, rub my face. "About Brennan. In telling you about him, I'm just realizing how pathetic he was. And how patheticIfeel for wasting so much of my time on him. I think…" I lookaway, hunting for the truth, and how to put it. "I think I felt like he was what I wassupposedto want. I wassupposedto want to marry a man like him. Or a man like I—and everyone else, apparently—thought he was good, righteous, and pure. A pastor. A man of God. But…he wasn't any of that. Not even close. And…I don't think he ever really loved me. He…" I blink hard, trying to hold back tears as the truth tumbles out. "Heneversaid nice things to me. Never complimented me. He never told me he thought I was pretty, or that I looked nice in a dress. He thought I was stupid for going to cosmetology school and insisting on working."
Bear rumbles in his chest, his face a mask of outrage. "What a dick."
That makes me laugh. "Hewasa dick." I cover my mouth, sputtering laughter. "Oops. I said a bad word."
For the first time since I’ve known him, Bear smiles—a full, real smile, with a single booming bark of laughter. It fills my soul.
"Dick barely counts as a curse word in my book, but good for you. Curse his name." He shakes his head. "If I was ever lucky enough to be with a woman like you, I'd tell you how fucking gorgeous you are every single fucking day. Be a crime not to."
"With me? Or just a womanlikeme?" The question slips out before I can stop it.
He licks his lips. "Noelle, I…" He looks away, voice dropping. "Wanting to be with you…it makes me feel like Icarus."
