Page 50 of Into The Light
I wipe at my face while the big dog tries to nuzzle under my hands to give me more slobbery kisses, and soon it's become a game, Panzer nosing under my hands while I laugh hysterically and try to dodge his long, darting tongue.
When Bear lowers himself into the passenger seat, he watches us with another rare, beaming smile. "He likes you."
I wrap an arm around Panzer's thick, iron-hard neck and kiss him on the forehead between the ears. "The feeling is mutual. He's a sweetheart."
I check my mirrors and blindspots and then back out and make for the parking lot exit, wait for traffic to clear, and then make a left onto Division, heading for my parent's neighborhood, which is off of Brookline midway between Main and Division.
Bear eyes me, clears his throat. "What were you thinking about, back there? Looked sorta freaked out."
"It was nothing," I say, but the lie sits like acid on my tongue.
Bear sighs. "Rather have an uncomfortable truth than a pleasant lie, Noelle."
I hesitate and then take his hand. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just…"
He looks down at our joined hands. "You can just drop us off at home. I get it if you're rethinking me coming over."
"No!" I say, squeezing his hand. "No, that's not it. Well, not really. Sort of."
He snorts. “That clears it up."
"Sorry, I just don't know where to start."
A heavy shrug. "Rip off the Band-Aid."
"I guess I'm wondering if… if I'm jumping into things with you a little too fast. Like maybe we need to spend some time just getting to know each other." I thread my fingers between his, hoping it will reassure him somewhat.
"Jumping into what things?" he asks, looking and sounding genuinely puzzled.
Before I can answer, my phone rings—Dad again. I answer it, holding up an index finger at Baer. "Hey Dad, just left Target with the stuff. What's up?"
"Oh, just checking on you. Thought you'd be here by now. Nat will be here in an hour, Nik in less than that, and the boys are already here."
I laugh. "I'm on the way, I promise. Um, by the way, I just wanted to let you know that I'm bringing a friend with me. I hope that's okay."
A short silence greets this pronouncement. "A friend?"
"Yeah."
"Sure, no problem. The more the merrier!"
"Okay, cool. See ya in a minute."
"Yepper!"
I laugh to myself as I hang up. My dad is such a midwestern dad stereotype.Yepper!
I toss the phone back into my purse in the footwell by Bear's feet. "Anyway. Where were we?"
"You were wondering if we were jumping into things too fast, and I asked what things.”
“Right, right." I lick my lips, unsure how to proceed with this. "Look. I'm…I'm very attracted to you. Physically, I mean. And, you know, otherwise, as well. Who you are, all that."
He blinks at me in that slow, thoughtful, owlish way of his. "Okay. But?"
"I've only ever had a physical relationship with one person—Brennan, my ex-husband. And that was a long,longrelationship. And physically, it progressed very, very,veryslowly. Much too slowly, if I'm being honest."
"Because of your religious beliefs."
