Page 104 of Light in the Dark
“I know. But how about we go inside and get settled first?" I suggest.
Ember sighs. "Okay." She glances at the ground outside the vehicle near her foot and then at me. "I'm gonna need help getting down."
"Got you."
I help her out of the bus and precede her to the side door and into the kitchen. She swings into the kitchen and then the living room, eying my front door.
“Fixed your door, I see."
I snort. "Yeah, long time ago." I gesture at the couch. "Have a seat—I’ll bring everything in."
She sighs. "Felix, I can help."
I give her a droll stare. "I'm sure you could, if you had to, but you don't."
She ducks her head. "I hate feeling useless. I hate…needing help."
"You're not useless—you're injured and in recovery."
She nods, head hanging. "I know, I know. It just sucks."
"When I was…oh, shit—twenty-one, I think, I fell off a roof," I tell her. "Broke an arm, a leg, and several ribs. I was stuck flat on my ass at my dad's house for almost four months before I could go back to work full time. And the hardest part of the recovery was having to ask for help for the simplest shit. Getting dressed, opening a jar, getting into and out of cars. Yeah, it fuckin' sucks—no two ways about it."
"Aren't you supposed to be, like, harnessed or something when you're on a roof?"
I laugh. "Of course—OSHA standard is harnesses on any roof over six feet…which is all of them. I wasn't supposed to be working on the roof that day, though—didn't even have a harness. Two of the roofers were cousins and their family member died unexpectedly, so I had to fill in. Like a dumbass, I figured I didn't need a harness." I laugh again. "Spoiler alert—I needed one."
I bring her stuff in—bags, purse, and the giant stupid bear that takes up most of my living room.
Ember is laying down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. When I finish bringing in her things, I sit at her feet and lift them onto my lap.
"Comfy couch," she says. "I don't mind sleeping here, if…"
"You really think I'd make you sleep on the couch?" I ask, frowning at her. "What kind of a dick do you take me for?"
She twitches a shoulder. "I dunno. You're not a dick. I just don't want to…y'know. Assume anything."
"Well, funny you should say that," I tell her. "Because I also didn't want to assume, so I redid my spare bedroom."
"Redid it?" she asks. "Meaning what? And when? You never left the hospital."
“It was a home office for doing paperwork and stuff. And Bear did it for me. Well, for you, for me."
"Fee, you shouldn't have given up your home office."
"Nah. I never used it." I point at a small desk in the corner of the living room, on which is my laptop, a printer, a Crowe Contracting mug of pens and pencils and highlighters, and a few other odds and ends. "That's all I really need. A whole room was wasted space, and now I have a guest room."
She doesn't respond for a while, just looking at me. "What do you want? Like, where do you want me to sleep?"
We're dancing around the real issue.
"I just want you to be comfortable," I say. "I know there's a lot of…unfinished stuff between us. But right now the priority is getting you better."
"You didn't answer the question, Felix." She swings her legs off my lap and pivots to sit up beside me, tugging her hair out of the loose, low ponytail and shaking it out.
"I don't know, and that's the truth." I shake my head, glancing at her. "It's all…complicated. I'm no less attracted to you than ever, obviously, and of course I want to be close to you. But I'm worried that if we're in the same bed that things would get complicated and…I dunno. I dunno. I want you. But I don't want you to think that by staying here while you recuperate that you're, like…obligated to be with me. Maybe you feel differently. Maybe you will once I tell you everything."
She slides a hand between her cast and her leg, growling in irritation as she tries to scratch herself. "Fucking itches where I can't reach." She yanks her hand out and sits on it. "So tell me everything."
