Page 115 of Light in the Dark
"Maybe I'm just tired from Connie's torture session."
Layla snorts. "Okay, biyotch. I wasn't born at nightorlast night. Spill."
Raina leans against my shoulder. "We’re your friends. You can talk to us. We may not be able todoanything, but we can listen."
"My friends," I say, fighting emotions. "Ugh, god, the emotions! When will I stop crying at the drop of a hat? Fuck!" I scrub my face.
"Maybe," Noelle says, "you're suppressing your feelings and they're trying to come out."
"I'm not suppressing anything!" I protest.
"Okay," Lainey mocks in a voice indicating a distinct lack of intelligence. "Whatever you say, girlfriend."
"It's the T-B-I,” I argue. "Emotional dysregulation is one of the symptoms."
Layla scoots toward me and takes my hands in hers, going so far as to set my plastic cup of iced tea aside. "Sweetie, we love you." She twirls a finger to include all five of us. "This here? This is our girl gang. In this gang, we don't lie to each other or ourselves. We pull up our thongs and face the hard shit like the powerful boss bitches we are."
"How do you know I'm wearing a thong?" I ask.
She snickers. "Well, it was a turn of phrase. But also, leggings that tight with no panty line? Either you're commando or you're wearing a thong."
Raina makes a face. "I don't know how you wear those things. I absolutelycannothandle having my butt-crack flossed all day long. It's like the underwear version of toe socks." She shudders. “Ick. No. Nope. No way. I'll go commando before I wear butt floss."
I shrug. "I dunno. You get used to it."
She shakes her head vigorously. "Lies. I desperately wanted to be a sexy girl who wears thongs, so I wore nothing but thongs for a month except during period week and I hated every single second of it. The first thing I did the second I got home was take it off."
Noelle shoulders me. "Raina, you're letting Ember sidetrack the conversation."
I splutter indignantly. "Excuse the fuck out of you!Shehijacked the conversation talking about butt-floss, not me."
"Actually, it was Layla," Raina says.
Lainey claps her hands. "Ladies. Enough. Ember, just spill already. Is Felix being mean or something?"
"Felix doesn't have a mean bone in his body," I snap. Then, I cover my face. "Yikes."
The girls all laugh.
"Okay, someone is defensive," Layla says, cackling.
I sigh. "No, it's not Felix." I tilt my head to one side. "Well…itisFelix. But not…he didn't…ugh!" I shake my head, blinking hard. "See? I cry—all—the—time! I'm sick of it!"
Noelle eyes me. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were pregnant."
"Ohhellno," I say. "No. No way. Not possible, first of all. I haven't had sexual intercourse since before Dutchie got sick and that was nearly a year ago. So unless you can get pregnant orally, it's definitely not that."
“Orally?" Noelle says. "When did this happen? And…with Felix, I hope."
"Yes, with Felix," I answer. "Before the accident. We…we messed around a little bit."
Lainey rubs her hands together. "Deets, bitch, deets. I had the most embarrassingly huge crush on him in high school."
Layla snorts. "Every straight female in Three Rivers between the ages of puberty and death has had a crush on Felix Crowe at some point."
Raina bites her lower lip, grinning. “It was Riley for me when I first moved up here." She looks away, covering her face. "Still sorta do have one, actually. But you can't tell him that."
I mime zipping my lips closed. "Your secret is safe with me, babe."
