Page 33 of Light in the Dark
"The word I'm searching for I can't say because there are preschool toys present." Then, muttered: "Dick."
I laugh, rubbing my face. "If you weren't my best friend since kindergarten, I'd never talk to you again."
"Until you need me to unfuck your pathetic attempts at automobile restoration."
"ONE TIME!" I snap. "I needed your helponefucking time."
"JESUS, CONNOR! YOU WANNA KILL SOMEONE? THE FUCK ISWRONGWITH YOU?" He shouts away from the phone and then groans a laugh. "New guy, man. I swear, he's dumber than a bag o’ hammers, but I've never met anyone who can rebuild engines better or faster. I mean, good god, he's dense. Yesterday, I caught him photocopying his phone so he could show his grandmother a meme."
"Bullshit."
DING. My phone chimes with an incoming message. I put the phone on speaker and open the thread with Nyx—he's sent me a video. In it, Nyx, recording, approaches a short, muscular young man with a shaved head and a long rattail chin-beard standing at a photocopier. And yes, he is photocopying his phone.
"Jesus," I mutter.
"Every day it’s something like that. Last Monday, Gibby convinced him that the shop computer was water-cooled and that it had run out of water."
I splutter. "No."
"Yes. I found him with a hose, squirting water into the CD drive."
"You have got to be shitting me."
"Nope. Once I got over my shock and then came down from the fucking roof, it was funny as fuck. That thing was older than Moses, so we needed a new one, but fuck, man. A water-cooled computer?"
I chuckle. "They exist, but they don't work like that."
"No fuckin' shit, Fee." He sighs. "Hey, I gotta bounce, man. Bring that bus over and I’ll get it goin' for your girl. And no, you won't cover my expenses. I just got one condition."
"That being what?" I ask, warily.
"Give this girl a shot. Like, all in, balls to the wall, heart on the line."
I groan, rubbing my face with my palm. "Nyx—"
"No, dude. Iknowyou. You're already looking for ways to self-sabotage this because you think you don't deserve it."
"When did you go to therapist school, Nyx?"
"Oh fuck you. I know you. I've watched you self-isolate for the last decade and a half over a silly fuckin' childish mistake. You're so goddamn earnest you took that shit to heart and can't see your way to forgiving yourself. So you self-destruct anytime a woman shows you interest."
“I do not."
"So when Lia Fascinelli—"
"I am not discussing that."
"Because you know what I'm gonna say."
"She was batshit crazy."
"But hot as fuck and she wanted you bad."
"The phrase 'don't stick your dick in crazy' comes to mind when it comes to that woman."
"Sure, but look at her now—she’s mellowed out."
"Nyx."
