Page 59 of Light in the Dark
She laughs. "Oh, Fee. You're ridiculous."
"What?"
“You wouldn't jerk off to me. You ran away from me rather than let me touch you, not once but twice. And you blush when I talk about having wet dreams about you." She gives me a hot, smoldering look. "And yet, you gave me orgasms so fucking good my legs are still shaky. You gave me a nipple orgasm, Fee. That's fucking rare."
"That’s all you, Ember. Sensitive. Responsive." I shift, feeling myself growing aroused.
She notices. Grins. "Let's call it a team effort."
"Deal."
She looks away, then. "It's hard to not think about Dutchie. It's hard to do things with you, to you, for you—things that I did with him. Things that wereours—his and mine." When I open my mouth, she silences me with a raised hand. “Let me finish, please." A tense silence. "The way I touched you, the way I went down on you—that was all stuff I learned with him. Developed or figured out or whatever—ways of making it feel as good as possible. For him. And now I'm using it with you, and…I don’t want to think about someone else when I’m with you. That's not fair to you. But I can't forget Dutchie. So…what do I do?"
I can sense she's not done, so I stay quiet.
"And to compound the whole situation…with you it was…" She closes her eyes as if to hide from the truth she's about to speak. "It was fucking hot. You gave me exactly what I've always craved. It was…so good." She covers her face with both hands, her words muffled. "It was better."
"Fuck, Ember. No wonder you're confused."
"How can it be better? I loved my husband. I'll always love him. I loved our sexual relationship. But with you—that wasn't even really sex, just…messing around. Foreplay. Whatever you wanna call it. And it was so fucking amazing I almost—Ididforget…him." She looks at me with tears tracking down her cheeks, her words shaky and fraught. "I forgot about him, Felix. And—and—it was a relief." That last sentence is barely audible.
My eyes sting. "Ember, I—fuck, honey. I don't know what to say."
She shoots to her feet, shaking her head. "I can't—I can't. I…I need a minute." She pauses in the open sliding doorway to the living room. "Felix, I—"
I go to her, clasp her face in my hands and kiss her softly, sweetly, gently. "Take whatever time you need. Whatever it looks like."
"I need to get out of here. I need to be alone."
"Go get dressed," I tell her. "Meet me out front."
Ten
EMBER
Ipull on a pair of black leggings and that's it—still wearing Felix's button-down, no bra, no panties. Fuck it, I don’t give a shit. My favorite pair of Tieks, scrape my hair into a ponytail, grab my purse, and head out the front door.
Felix has pulled around the vintage SUV he was driving that day at the beach. The engine is idling with a bit of a squeal, and it has a white top on now, whereas it was topless that day at the beach—it looks like it could rain at some point, so a top is probably a good idea.
Barely containing my maelstrom of emotions, I can't look at Felix as I stop in front of him, twisting the strap of my purse in my hands. "Felix, I…"
He takes my hands in his, pressing a business card into my palm. "That has my cell on it. You call me if you need fuckinganything, Ember."
"Felix, I just need—"
"I'll handle your bus repair. Take all the time you need." He holds my gaze, and I see a very complicated world of emotions hidden in the depths of his pale blue eyes—I only see it now that I know him better.
"I'm sorry, Fee."
He puts a finger over my lips. "No apologies. You've been through hell. I don't expect you to just jump into something with me."
"But we—"
"Shared something enjoyable," he cuts in. "It was fun. It doesn't have to be anything more than that, Ember."
I have to blink hard yet again, and my fucking god, am I sick of crying. "I don't know what it was, and I don't know what I want."
"And you don't have to."
