Page 76 of Neat
The color drained from my face. I realized then that the only person I’d told about my interest in Mallory — past the fact that she worked with me, anyway — was Mom.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“I was thinking about the fact that the promotion rightfully owed to you was given to a Scooter, yes, but it doesn’t reflect on you,” Jordan said, one eyebrow lifted. “This was on them. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.”
“He’s talking about the fact that he’s in love with Mallory and feels like a sucker now that he realizes she was taking his job all along.”
Jordan’s attention snapped to my youngest brother, and I gritted my teeth, hands fisting at my sides.
“I’m not in love with her.” Again, a lie.
“Wait,” Jordan said, pointing at Mikey when he looked back at me. “What does he know that I don’t?” He narrowed his eyes, pointing his finger at me this time. “Have you been hooking up with Mallory Scooter?”
I sniffed, crossing my arms over my chest without an answer.
Jordan let out a bark of a laugh, eyes wide. “Wow.”
“She’s not what you think she is,” I defended.
“Clearly.”
“She’s not. She hates her father almost as much as we do. She knows the shitty things he’s done, and she’s spent her whole life trying to get away from that legacy.”
“Well, obviously, she’s doing a fine job of that.”
“She didn’t know he was going to do this,” I growled.
“Then why are you so upset?” Jordan threw back. “If Mallory is so innocent, and you’re so in love, then why are you moping around like someone rearranged the books on your bookshelf?”
“Because everything I was afraid of losing I lost in a matter of minutes!” I stood, glaring down at my brothers on the floor. “Because that job was the only chance I had of doing my part to keep the Becker name alive in that distillery. Because they’re trying to wash Dad out of their history altogether, and it’s working. Because I can’t do anything about it. And yes, because for the first time in my fucking life, I thought maybe I could have what Mom and Dad did, that I could be with a woman who understood me, who challenged me, who made my life better instead of just making me roll my eyes at all the fucking town gossip that most girls in Stratford are obsessed with. She was different, and for the first time since Dad died, I was actually fucking happy.” I didn’t even bother hiding the tears that flooded my eyes, because with my brothers, I was never afraid to cry. “All I do, all I’ve ever done is try to keep the peace. I need steadiness — routine and dependability. And right now, I don’t have any of that. Right now, I’m on a piece of fucking driftwood in the middle of the ocean without a paddle or a prayer in hell of finding land again.” I swallowed, holding my chin high, though every part of me was trembling. “That’swhy I’m upset. Are you fucking happy now?”
Neither of my brothers could look at me then, and I took their eyes being glued to the carpet as an answer. Mom had peeked out of the kitchen, and the look in her eyes when I turned around was so heartbreaking, I couldn’t hold it together any longer. I swiped my laptop off the kitchen table and barreled outside, not bothering to grab a jacket. I needed space, and fresh air, and to not have anyone’s pitiful stare on me for a while.
Of course, I should have known better with my family. It didn’t take long before Jordan and Mikey walked outside and sat on the porch with me. Jordan handed me my jacket, and I tugged it on without looking at him, keeping my attention on the laptop. They let me stew for a little while longer, but then my little brother got up from the rocking chair he sat in, flipped my laptop lid shut, and forced me to look at him.
“We’re sorry,” he said, leveling his hazel eyes with my own. We both favored Mom, and sometimes, when I looked at him, I saw a younger version of me. “I’m saying that on behalf of all of us. But you should know that we love you, and we would never judge you. Not even if you robbed a bank and tried to get away in a go-kart.”
I sighed, smile tugging at the corner of my lips. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I just… I don’t know how to handle all of this. I hate feeling anything negative, and right now, I’m drowning ineverythingnegative.”
“I know the feeling,” he said, and Jordan and I exchanged glances.
Our little brother had been battling a broken heart for months, and here he was, ready to go to war formine.
That was the Becker way.
Mikey pulled his rocking chair over so he could face me, and Jordan leaned against the porch railing, quiet for now.
“I didn’t realize it until Noah got with Ruby Grace, until Bailey broke up with me, maybe not even until just now, when you said what you did inside, but…” Mikey shrugged. “I think we’re all looking for what Mom and Dad had. And if I’m being honest, I think we’re wasting our time.”
Jordan shifted his weight, but kept quiet, watching our little brother as he continued.
“I don’t know what happened between you and Mallory, but I can tell you now, if it’s over?” He shook his head. “Just let it be over. Find a way to let her go. I know it feels impossible. Trust me — I’mstillholding on to a girl who tossed me aside so easily, I got whiplash. But, the more time that passes, the more I see that… well… maybe the kind of love Mom and Dad had really is so rare that not everyone can find it. Noah did, and I love that for him. But, I don’t know… maybe it’s not in the cards for all of us.”
My throat tightened, the grip so tight I couldn’t swallow past it.
“That’s probably not what you want to hear,” he said. “But, it’s what I believe to be true. And you know, there’s more to life than love. We can find joy in other things, you know? Our careers, our family, our hobbies. Travel. Maybe live in a new city, a new place that doesn’t have the same weight as this town always has for us.”
He swallowed at that, and I narrowed my eyes, because if there was one thing our family always agreed on — it was that our place was in Stratford. We had a legacy here, and we would fight to keep it. But the way Mikey was talking, it was like he wanted to be free of it all. In a way, I guessed I couldn’t blame him.
