Page 59 of Old Fashioned
It was that Iwantedto talk about her.
Hell, I wanted to talk toeveryoneabout the woman, and that was completely opposite of who I’d always been. The truth was if I had it my way, I’d likely talk more than I had in my entire life if I had the chance to tell someone,anyone,about the time Sydney and I had spent together.
But here we were, two months in, and the truth was I didn’t know where we stood.
Until I met Sydney, I’d avoided dating with the general consensus that love was dangerous, and when you engaged in a relationship with someone, you put yourself and, maybe more importantly,themat risk. I’d watched my friends’ parents go through divorce, watched my brothers break hearts and even get theirs broken in return, and above it all, I’d seen the unbreakable love my parents shared shattered by tragedy.
And maybe deep down, I’d always been afraidIwouldn’t know what to do if I ever found “the right woman.” I didn’t know if I could treat her the way my father had treated my mother, if I could put her first, be patient and caring and kind.
With Sydney, it was effortless.
I treated her like gold because in my eyes shewas.I didn’t have to try to care about her, to put her first, to love her.
I did it all because it was as if there was no other choice, and all my life I’d been preparing for this moment with her.
My chest tightened again, because though I was fairly certain thatIwouldn’t be the one to hurt her, I didn’t have a shred of assurance that she wouldn’t do the same to me. Not because she wanted to — but because I swung into her life when I knew things were complicated, when I knew she wasn’t ready, and when I knew we had an army of circumstance working against us.
That afternoon in her backyard, she told me what she could give me, and what she couldn’t.
When I asked her to join us for Thanksgiving, she’d asked me for more time.
And now, it was two days before Noah’s wedding, and we hadn’t come back to that conversation to discussherpart of the deal.
I’d done what she needed me to do — stayed quiet, kept our relationship a secret, respected the boundaries she’d put in place. She assured me the time was coming, that she needed to do itherway, and I believed her.
But I wanted her so badly I couldn’t bear the weight of not knowing if she felt the same way I did any longer.
And I knew I had to ask her tonight — before the wedding, before I had the chance to fall any further.
Though I knew in my gut it was already too late.
Another roar came from the group in the living room, and it shook me out of my daze. I chanced one last glance at my mother and Sydney together before I leaned over the back of the couch where Noah and Mikey sat. Logan was in Dad’s old recliner.
And Paige was smack dab in the middle of the floor, sitting on her knees, eyes glued to the television.
“Itoldyou the Cowboys didn’t have a chance against the Bills’ defense,” she said, looking pointedly over her shoulder at Noah. “This isn’t 2007.”
“Were you evenalivein 2007?” Mikey asked.
Paige turned back to the TV with a flick of her wild, wavy hair that had me stifling a laugh. “Doesn’t matter if I was or not. I clearly know more about football than any of you do.”
Noah’s mouth popped open, him and Mikey exchanging glances before they looked over their shoulders and up at me.
Logan chuckled. “I like this kid.”
“Me, too,” I said, and Paige smiled back at me with pride.
A battle of emotions roared on inside me as the cheers roared on at the AT&T Stadium. I both loved having Sydney and Paige at my mother’s house for Thanksgiving and loathed it, because I’d never brought anyone home with me before, and because they fit in like they’d always been here, and because I knew without having to ask that my mom was already falling in love with Sydney — her heart easier to win than my own — and that my brothers would already go to war to protect Paige, if they had to.
It was the weekend before my brother’s wedding, and we were all gathered in the same place for the first time in months — Mikey and Kylie home from New York, Ruby Grace no longer separated from Noah with her AmeriCorps contract, and Mallory and Logan closer than ever with a baby on the way. Mom was at the head of it all, watching her family grow, and all the while, I thought I’d been flying under the radar, watching from a distance with nothing to add but a hug or a small piece of advice from time to time.
But I was here with someone I loved, too.
Even if she had no idea.
And maybe what scared me most was that having her and Paige here was a reciprocation, the missing piece I didn’t realize I’d wanted so badly. For months, I’d spent days and nights in their home, learning who they were as a family.
The fact was that Sydney and Paige already felt likemyfamily, too.
