Page 125 of False Start
Soon-to-be second grader, Sebastian would often remind me.
He still seemed wired when we finished the book, but he said goodnight and I tucked him in before leaving him to sleep.
When I shut his door behind me, I stood on the other side of it for a long moment, a smile curling on my lips and a sigh leaving my chest. I was exhausted. He was full of energy and taking care of him felt like a full-time job.
And yet, I’d never felt joy like this.
I’d never felt so excited about anything in my life like I did explaining football to that kid. Even my best touchdowns didn’t compare to the way it felt to watch his eyes light up when he finally understood something. I’d never felt love like the kind that burst from my chest when he hugged me, or when he kissed Madelyn’s cheek and beamed up at her like she hung the moon.
Seeing the world through his eyes was like being reborn myself.
God, all I wanted was to keep him safe.
I wanted him to grow up nurtured and supported. I wanted him to be able to explore and try and fail and try again. I wanted him to know he was loved and safe.
I wanted to keep him far away from his father.
I didn’t know if that made me a prick or not, but I didn’t care. Marshall had the same evil in him that my father had. I didn’t give a rat’s ass if he saved kittens and helped cows give birth — he’d laid his hands on Madelyn.
And I knew whether she did or not that, eventually, he’d do the same to his son.
At least, hewould have— but that was before I came into the picture.
And as long as Madelyn was okay with it, I’d burn that motherfucker down in court and make sure he couldn’t ever hurt Sebastian.
Whatever she decided, I’d stand by her side. I just hoped with every ounce of my being that she agreed we should go for full custody. I prayed she’d resist the urge to see the best in her ex-husband, that she’d fight against reason that might have told her that Marshall hadn’t done anything to deserve being torn from his kid.
In the end, it wasn’t my decision. But whatever path we took, I’d be there to fight for both of them. I’d keep them safe. I’d love them. I’d lay down my life for them if I had to.
They were my family.
The heaviness of that statement surprised me a bit as I walked down the hall toward the living room. It seemed impossible, to feel this much for two people in such a short amount of time. In a matter of months, they’d become everything to me. I couldn’t imagine living without them. I couldn’t remember what my life had been like before. Partying, drinking, a different girl in my bed every week… who evenwasthat man?
I didn’t recognize him.
And I definitely didn’t miss him.
When I made it to the living room, I leaned a shoulder against the wall, smiling at where Madelyn was seated on the couch. She’d put everything from dinner away and washed the dishes already, and now she was curled up at the corner of the sectional with a journal in her lap.
Her metallic hair was half-tied up in a small ponytail, strands of it framing her face and falling down over the back of her neck. The oversized cream sweater she wore covered her hands andslid off one shoulder, and even under the blanket in her lap, I could see the ridiculous fuzzy socks she’d been wearing all night.
She looked cozy and tired, and all I wanted was to wrap her in my arms.
But she also looked… sad.
Scared.
I couldn’t place it earlier. I knew she was off by how quiet she’d been all night, but I assumed it was just because she was tired. After all the shit we’d been through in the past week, how could shenotbe? I hoped me taking over picking up Sebastian and making dinner and getting him ready for bed would alleviate some of that, but I knew the truth was that a mom’s job was never done. She would always have something to do, even with my help, and she’d probably have many days where she’d be tired just like this.
Still, there was another layer to those weary eyes. The way her brows tugged inward, the way she chewed at the inside of her lower lip and nervously fidgeted with the pen in her hand…
“I don’t know that he’ll fall right to sleep, but he didn’t fight me on it,” I said. “He seems pretty excited from all the football talk.”
Madelyn’s smile was weak. “He adores you.”
“I adore him back.”
Her brown eyes watered, lip wobbling as she looked at the pen and journal in her lap.
