Page 143 of False Start
Judge Hall turned his attention back to me. “Please continue, Miss Hearst.”
Hearst.
I hated that I was still tied to him.
But that would change soon.
With a steady breath, I started again. “My son can feel it, Your Honor — all of it. And the truth is, the older he gets, thebiggerhe gets, and the more he starts to think for himself — theless confidence I have that it will only be me who has to handle his father’s rage. And I will tell you, in all honesty, that I will not stand for that man putting a single finger on our son. The moment it happens, thefirsttime I hear that he hurt Sebastian? Well, it would be the last. And I would be appearing here in a very different kind of trial.”
The judge’s eyebrows raised in warning over his glasses, and he jotted something down on his notebook in front of him. I assumed he was recording that should I ever be back here on trial for murder, which I accepted — though I was fairly certain our lawyer was likely pinching the bridge of her brow and cursing me for that little slip.
“It was never my intention to take our son from Marshall,” I continued. “Not until he started showing me that Sebastian wasn’t safe with him. His need to control me has festered into an inescapable wound, one that has taken over him completely now that he sees that I am happy and moving on with my life. Marshall simply cannot handle that, he cannot accept that he has lost his control over me, that I am no longer scared, that he no longer dictates what I do and do not do with my life.
“Marshall wants you to believe that I am an unfit mother, that — should Kyle Robbins decide to leave me — I would be incapable of caring for my children. Well, to those accusations, I will let the evidence and character statements from today serve as proof that that is not the case. I have shown that I will work long, hard hours doing whatever it takes to make ends meet. I have illustrated that nothing means more to me in thisworldthan the little boy you interviewed in your chambers, than the little girl growing inside me right at this moment.”
Though I willed myself not to, it was impossible not to get emotional with that. My eyes watered, and I sniffed back the tears and let them blur my vision as I stared up at the judge.
“Your Honor, if there is one thing I am sure of in this world, it’s that I am a great mother. I wasmeantto be a mother. I know, with my entire heart, that Sebastian is safest with me. That with me and with Kyle and with his baby sister who will arrive later this year, he will not just survive, but thrive. He will love and laugh and learn. He will be surrounded by people who care for him, and who will stop at nothing to see him succeed.
“So, I am asking you to see that truth with me. I am asking you to think of Sebastian and his future as you make your decision. I am asking you to keep this little boy with me, and with my fiancé, and with the home where he feels safe and warm and protected. I am asking you to believe me, even though I was too afraid to speak up before, even though I have been weak in the past. I hope you see that now, I am strong. I am resilient. And if sole custody is to be bestowed to only one parent, it should — without question — be to me, his mother. Thank you.”
I kept my head down as I returned to my seat. Our lawyer squeezed my wrist under the table to let me know I’d done well. I turned and found Kyle’s eyes shining with tears, the evidence of two of them that had fallen marring each cheek. My mother was drying her own tears. My father was beaming with pride.
“I love you,” Kyle mouthed.
“I love you, too,” I mouthed back.
My next breath felt cleaner somehow, even though no decisions were made. We sat through the closing statements from our lawyers. Marshall’s kept on with the same stories of why I was an unfit mother. I had to bite back an actual laugh when they tried, again, to use the one time I’d used recreational marijuana with Marshall. It was before I was even pregnant, and it wasweed,for fuck’s sake.
When we finished, I expected the judge to call a recess. Our lawyer had warned us it could be a few hours or even a few weeks.
Instead, Judge Hall took his glasses off, rubbed his eyes, slipped them back on with a heavy sigh and spoke.
“Well, I have to say, I’m always disappointed when matters of custody cannot be resolved in mediation. By the time you make it in front of me, there is a lot of animosity and cruelty between people who used to love each other, who once made vows to one another and agreed to make a life. But in this case,” he added with a shake of his head. “I believe there has been cruelty and animosity long before this custody battle.”
The judge grew silent for a moment, thinking over his words before his eyes met mine.
“Ms. Hearst, I want to thank you for sharing your story with us over the last two days.”
Every time I heard that name, it had me counting down the days to when I would change it, to when I would take Robbins as my surname and leave this part of my life firmly in the past.
“I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you. And as I’m not one to beat around the bush or get flowery with my words, I just want to look you in the eye right here and now and tell you one thing.” Judge Hall took off his glasses and leaned forward. “I believe you.”
My nostrils flared, tears pricking my eyes and flowing over my cheek bones before I could stop them. I didn’t wipe them away. I didn’t cry harder. I just blinked and let those silent tears fall as my heart raced and my next breath racked out of me in a shudder.
I nodded, a silent thank you, a quiet mercy.
“And Mr. Hearst,” he said, sliding his specs back into place. He looked down at his notes before shaking his head and lifting his gaze to my ex. “Sir, all I can say isshame on you.”
I let myself glance at Marshall, let myself take one moment to see his jaw tightening, his face turning a bright red before I drew my attention back to the judge.
“I am very familiar with men like you. I know how you firmly believe your education and profession protect you. I know how you hide behind a public persona when you are nothing short of a monster at home. The fact that you came to this court and tried to convince me that it is, in fact, your ex-wife who is unfit for parenting is quite comical, and in the same breath, absolutely despicable. It is my belief that every man and woman have it within themselves to make changes for the good, but I can tell that you have a long road ahead of you if that is to be your story.”
The judge looked down at his papers again, shaking his head before addressing us both.
“In my twenty-two years of serving as a judge, I have never ruled in court during a case such as this. I have always taken at least two weeks to deliberate before coming to my decision.” He shook his head, glancing at his notes before his eyes were on the courtroom again. “But, with the evidence presented before me, along with the uncontrollable outbursts from the plaintiff that I witnessed myself, I have made my decision. And I cannot, in good conscience, wait to pass my judgment.”
He caught my gaze, a soft smile on his lips before his eyes slid to Marshall. He gave him what I could only describe as the look of a disappointed father before he sat a little straighter in his chair.
