Page 157 of False Start
How had the universe delivered Madelyn back to me?
How had I managed to get it right, to not fuck up my second chance with her?
How didwemanage to overcome the tragedy we’d lived through as teenagers, to somehow find love and understanding and forgiveness on the other side?
It felt like a miracle, and maybe it was. Maybe she wasmylittle miracle.
Those thoughts were still swirling in my mind when the violin player at the back of the last row began to play a new song, and everyone turned in their chairs to watch the show.
The showbeing my son carrying my daughter in his arms, doing his best to entertain her and keep her from crying as he did some sort of weird dance-jog down from the lodge and down the aisle.
We all chuckled as he dug into the basket Raven held in her hands, tossing white rose petals left and right. He’d do a few and then wait for her to follow suit, showing her how to grab a handful and let it go. When Raven did it the first time, she giggled with glee, looking up at Sebastian for approval and smiling even bigger when he bounced her in his arms and encouraged her to go again.
My heart tripped inside my chest at the sight.
Sebastian was growing more and more into a young man every day. I couldn’t believe he was eight now.
I also couldn’t believe he was officially my son.
He would have been even without the paperwork, but there was something about having it made legal, about him taking my last name that cemented a sense of security. And although I knew it killed him a little that his own father never fought for him, that he was so content to let Sebastian go… I also knew he was happier without being forced to spend time with a man who scared him.
As he got older, I would explain everything. I would be there for every question he had. And I’d share my own struggles I’d had with my father to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone.
Sebastian would start third grade in just a few months, and in the last year, I’d witnessed him being the best big brother any little girl could ever wish for. He’d taken the role seriously from the beginning, helping us with diaper changes and feedings and bath time just because he wanted to. Now, his favorite pastime was making his sister laugh. He played with her more than he did his rocks and Titan combined.
I didn’t know how long that would last, how long he would dote on her before she’d become his annoying little sister who never left him alone. But Madelyn and I soaked up every moment of it while we could.
The only thing Sebastian loved more than his little sister was playing football.
Thathad been a new development that Madelyn had both loved and hated. I couldn’t blame her. With any sport came the possibility of injury, and I knew as a parent myself now how impossibly hard it was to watch knowing there was nothing you could do to keep them safe.
But Sebastian thrived on his team. He was a natural born leader, and with the arm he was developing, I could see him walking in Holden’s footsteps one day.
As for Raven?
She looked like her mother — and had me wrapped around her little pinky.
It was true what they said about parenthood. The days were long, but the first year had felt like a blink of an eye. I watched that little girl grow from a soft, sleepy bundle of heat that slept and ate more than anything else, to a curious toddler who was starting to pull herself up and take her first assisted steps. Her wide brown eyes were just like Madelyn’s, her smile more like mine, and every day, we watched her explore the world and experience firsts that felt like a bigger win to me than any game I’d ever played.
When they were almost to the end of the aisle, Sebastian carefully set Raven’s feet on the grass, holding her hands above her head and helping her walk to me. I swung her up in my arms when she made it, savoring the gleeful giggle that pealed out of her. I kissed her cheek and pulled Sebastian into my side, kissing his hair and telling him how proud I was of him.
Then, he and Raven took their seats next to Madelyn’s father, and all eyes swiveled to the end of the aisle.
We’d all been so busy watching the kids, we hadn’t noticed sneaky Madelyn making her way out of the lodge.
She stood there like an angel, her copper hair swept back into an elegant bun and her hands wrapped tightly around a bouquet of lilies and roses.
I didn’t know what I thought I’d see when I finally laid eyes on her, but nothing in my imagination compared to the long, lacy details of the dress hugging her figure and draping down into the grass behind her. The flowery cream fabric hung from delicate straps over each shoulder, the V neckline hugging her curves and highlighting the slim tapering of her waist. The skirt of the dress flared off at her hips, just slightly, and then fell in beautiful, flowing waves down to the ground.
She looked like something from a fairytale, like a goddess and a princess and a fairy all at once. I half expected the moss and trees and spring flowers to move with her, the birds to float down and land in her hair as she stood there smiling at me.
AndGod,was it the most breathtaking smile I’d ever seen.
I willed myself to hold it together — and not just because I knew the guys had a bet on how long I could make it before I burst into tears.
But because I wanted to be strong for Madelyn, for our family. I wanted to hold my chin high at the end of that aisle and hold her gaze steadily with my own as she walked toward me, toward our future.
All of that went to hell when she took the first step, though.
