Page 92 of False Start
“I hadyou, Madelyn.”
She shook her head, crying again as she looked at her hands. “I was just a kid, too. We both were. I had no idea how you would take it. I was afraid you’d hate me, that you’d be mad at me for stealing your life away.”
I was already shaking my head and walking toward her when she put up a hand to stop me.
“Wait,” she said, then she forced a deep breath. “I just… I needed time. So, I told my parents, and they told me no matter what I decided to do, they’d support me. I went to tell you, but your parents said you were sleeping. They saw how upset I was… I was crying…”
My hands curled into fists at my side.
“So, I told them, and… and they said they would tell you when you woke up, that they’d have you call me. They hugged me and swore it would all be okay.”
“Fuck!” I dragged my hands through my hair again, and then I couldn’t stand to be apart from her any longer. I knelt in front of where Madelyn sat on the bed, folding her hands in my own and kissing her knuckles as she looked down at me.
“I’m so sorry, Kyle,” she cried. “I should have told you. I should have—”
“Youdid, you tried. You trusted my parents to tell me and…” I went wide-eyed. “Oh, God. Madelyn, when you saw me at school on Monday…”
“I thought you hated me,” she sobbed. “And then you left and—”
I climbed up to sit next to her on the bed, pulling her into my arms and holding her to me in the tightest hug I could manage.One hand cradled her head against my chest, the other wrapped around to hold her to me, as if my arms could put the pieces back together, as if I could heal her when I now understood I had been the source of all her pain.
“I lost the baby,” she cried into my chest, her hands clinging to the fabric of my dress shirt. “And I lost you. And I lostmyself. And now, realizing you didn’t even know… I… I…”
Fuck.
I couldn’t help it.
I broke.
Clutching Madelyn to me even harder, the first sob wracked my body, and that made Madelyn crack wide open, too. She clung to me, both of us crying like we were kids again, like this conversation and this room had transported us back to that time in our lives.
“Mads, I am so sorry,” I croaked, my chest splitting open with every word. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. I’m so sorry I didn’t force you to talk to me, that I let my stupid anger get in the way of me running to you.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not yours either.”
And maybe that was what hurt the most.
I pulled back, framing her face with my hands and swiping away the fresh tears I found there.
“You’re not mad at me?” she asked pathetically.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I shook my head, locking my eyes on hers as I bent to her level. “I’m furious, Madelyn, but not at you. Never at you.”
As if acknowledging my rage allowed it to burn brighter, I felt my chest squeeze in the way it did before I got into a fist fight. I saw red at the thought of my father. I had no doubt he was the one who told my mom what would be said to me. And then Icursed my mother, who no doubt didn’t have the spine to stand up to him and say no.
Both of them were fucking dead to me, but I could deal with them later.
Right now, the only thing that mattered was this woman in my arms.
“They stole you from me,” I whispered, stomach curdling at the realization. “They stole our child fromus.”
Madelyn closed her eyes, freeing more tears as her hands covered mine where I held her face. She leaned into my touch as if it was the only thing that could save her.
“We can’t go back and change any of that,” I said, voice cracking again.
A baby.
