Page 37 of Save Your Breath
Or maybe toomuchof himself.
He had been destructive, sad, lonely. I’d watched him drink himself into a stupor, and when I’d gone to talk to him, he’d been shut off, cold.
It’d scared me a little, the way he acted that night.
It was the first time I believed what he’d always told me, that some of his mom and dad lived in him. It was the first time I thought addiction really could take him, if he let it.
“How are you?”
The words spilled off my tongue before I thought better of them, so I doubled down.
“How are you really?”
Aleks’s eyes flicked between mine a moment before the corner of his mouth lifted. “I’m good, Strings.”
“Really?”
“I’m not debating taking a bottle of pills like I was the last time we were alone, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
I cringed a bit, dropping my gaze.
“It’s okay,” he said on a laugh. “I… I’m sorry you had to see me that way. I was…”
Aleks quieted, not finishing the thought. And I knew without pushing that he didn’t want to talk about it more. It wasn’t often Aleks fell into his really bad nights, but when he did, I knew it hit him hard. I knew he hated it. I knew it made him feel like he was one breath away from the life his parents lived, and he hated it.
“Do you ever think about going back to Switzerland?” I asked, changing the subject.
Aleks took my now empty glass, carrying it with his over to the sink in the kitchen. “Sometimes. I thought it might be fun to play on the national team there someday.”
“That would be amazing,” I told him, smile genuine. “And maybe you could meet up with some of your foster siblings.”
Aleks snorted at that.
“What? I bet they’d love to see you.”
“And I bet they wouldn’t even remember I existed,” he shot back. He didn’t say it with an edge, though. He said it as a joke, his smirk climbing. “It’s okay, Strings. Not everyone needs friends.”
I hated that so much, I couldn’t help but show it on my face. Because I knew what he meant by that statement wasn’t that he didn’t need friends, it was that he didn’t believe he deserved them.
He had always been afraid of who he was deep inside, of his genetics, of what he perceived as his destiny. And part of me had always felt like I had no right to speak on it. I couldn’t imagine going through what he had, and I didn’t want to pretend like I could ever fully understand.
But I knew him better than he thought, better than anyone else.
And I knew his heart was good.
I popped up with mock offense, sticking out an exaggerated pouty lip. “Wow. So what does that mean for me? I’m not your friend?”
“Nope,” he said instantly, skipping over to where I stood. He shoved his hands in his pockets and did a little shimmy side to side with his shoulders like a little kid. “You’re mygirlfriend.”
I rolled my eyes, trying and failing not to smile.
And then Aleks mirrored my grin, sweeping in swiftly to kiss my cheek. “Get some sleep, Strings. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
I flushed when he pulled away, thankful his back was to me as he made his way toward the door.
“Thank you,” I said when he was next to James. “For the nightcap.”
He winked. “Anytime.”
